laiden

Have been wreckless lately ..... working alot , then drinking even more..
I made a mistake a stupid stupid mistake, i made myself look dumb , and i did everything i normally never do !
I don't know why i put myself in these situations., why i do this to myself , why i get sick over it .
I am an idiot , i messed up anything i already have for some sort of obnxious potiential.
It's like i'm always looking for something else , never satisfied...i hate this feeling , tho i knew somehow it would be like this... maybe not to this extent but none the less i knew... my new friends are alcohol , they make mefeel stronger , more able to do this without feeling guilty and helping me say things i wouldn't normally say!!
I just keep reliving the moment in my head ... i'm an idiot .. i'm crazy , i'm depressed , i'm a picker , annoying , demanding , attention whore , jealous , unsatisfied , alone , frustrated, overly sensitive, worried ,weird, angry, impatient , bitchy, moody, untalented etc.........
i could keep going but i'll stop there ... i feel like i messed up good , and now i don't want to face it ...My summer is wasted on nonsense and heartaches , i hate this summer and year !
Goodbye