lafayetteproulx

We all want to be socially superior to everyone else, this is the internet after all. It used to be that people would brag about their accomplishments to achieve that. Now it's turned into some weird tragedy swap meet. Let's call this one the social party pooper. It's the new guy you met who has to announce he had burritos for lunch and his ass is on fire. It's the girl talking about her yeast infection, or her period. If you're in a group of only established friends feel free to bring up all of the above. If your friends can't laugh about a yeast infection they're not a true friend.

I was at a party once when a girl refused a drink saying 'no thanks, I was date raped.' Wouldn't the no thanks have been enough? Sure it gets attention but not the kind anyone really wants. Then there are the social one uppers. Say you tell a group of friends about your cat being sick. It's a short, sad, sweet story, everyone aww's and is generally interested except for the social one upper. They will immediately chime in with a story about their cat that which is so far fetched that a soap opera writer would call it far fetched. Then you, having been challenged in a social duel have to come up with another story to top that story. This doesn't make you better than them, you're just locked in a battle to see who can seem more socially desperate.

Here's a great thing to try, mess with these people. If someone has to publically announce to a group of strangers that they don't drink because they were date raped announce that you don't drink because it will most certainly end in a consensual gangbang. They feel awkward and you are the victor. Also everyone is secretly hoping for a gangbang to break out.

For the one upper come up with something outlandish like say the time you got drunk and had a large consensual gangbang. If they try to top that they are either a liar or a porn star. Call them out on both.

I'm not saying it's ok to make fun of rape, so don't anyone try to say that. I was raped as a kid and part of a potential date rape in college. I was passed out and he couldn't get it up so he just kind of poked me in the butt with his small floppy penis for a bit. Now that's perfectly fine to make fun of, because it's hilarious. Now if I announced that I can't go near train sets because I was raped near one as a kid, I'd want someone to make fun of me because I'm just being an asshole. Also I hold no grudge against train sets, past or present.