Have you ever told someone a story, or a secret and they didn't believe you? Well here are some of my stories/secrets and each and very one of them is the honest truth. Lying is for boring people.
* I have two fake teeth because as a child my sister kicked me in the mouth and I swallowed the real ones.
* I have been stabbed, in the back, with a sword. I was three at time time. It was a plastic ninja sword, frayed at the end. It was a Halloween party. I still have the scar (Check the picture of my side tattoo, while you're at it check out the birth mark shaped like a boot. I hate that thing.
* My grandmother used to to be a country western singer in bars around New Jersey back in the 50's. That is until she got mugged outside one of the bars and the mugger slashed her throat, ruining her voice.
* My dad's uncle was in bed with his girlfriend, she leaned over, asked him to marry her. He thought she was just being drunk and silly and told her to go to bed, instead she went into the nightstand drawer, produced a gun, and blew her brains out.
* I have broken both of my pinkies, had both of my ankles sprained repeatedly to the point where they both have mild arthritis, I've broken and bruised ribs, and broken my nose twice. I have never been to the hospital and it's been 6 years since my last doctors visit.
* When I was in the 8th grade I weighed roughly 250 pounds. I finally got the willpower to stop stuffing my face and lose weight because the first time I ever tried to ask a girl on a date it went something like this. I said something to the effect of, "Do you want to go on a date?" and she said, verbatim, "But you're so fat!" Sure it was mean, but since then I've lost 60 pounds and no girl has ever turned me down based on weight (But for a ton of other reasons, girls are mean!)
* I have a bounce in my step, a genetic hand-me-down from my great grandfather. Then again he spent his life in a New Jersey insane asylum for raping and killing a small girl. Now when people point out the slight bounce (it gets more pronounced when I walk with urgency or excitement) I get extremely uncomfortable.
* My entire family on my father's side (except for my father) disowned me when my grandmother died. She was deep in the grips of diabetic kidney and liver failure, and I drove the 15 hours to Jersey to be with her. She loved to go to Atlantic City and gamble, she was a wealthy woman, and before she died, when she still had her strength, she took all of her children (except my father) to Atlantic City and had them watch as she lost every single penny she owned. In her will I collected her coin collection (Worth a few thousand dollars, not that I will ever, ever, ever sell it). She would always tell the family that I was the last O'Leary, the only one to carry on the name (How's that for a burden?), and my whole family hates me because I was the only one who didn't beg for an inheritance.
* I used to do high school theater (My biggest shame)
* I have two fake teeth because as a child my sister kicked me in the mouth and I swallowed the real ones.
* I have been stabbed, in the back, with a sword. I was three at time time. It was a plastic ninja sword, frayed at the end. It was a Halloween party. I still have the scar (Check the picture of my side tattoo, while you're at it check out the birth mark shaped like a boot. I hate that thing.
* My grandmother used to to be a country western singer in bars around New Jersey back in the 50's. That is until she got mugged outside one of the bars and the mugger slashed her throat, ruining her voice.
* My dad's uncle was in bed with his girlfriend, she leaned over, asked him to marry her. He thought she was just being drunk and silly and told her to go to bed, instead she went into the nightstand drawer, produced a gun, and blew her brains out.
* I have broken both of my pinkies, had both of my ankles sprained repeatedly to the point where they both have mild arthritis, I've broken and bruised ribs, and broken my nose twice. I have never been to the hospital and it's been 6 years since my last doctors visit.
* When I was in the 8th grade I weighed roughly 250 pounds. I finally got the willpower to stop stuffing my face and lose weight because the first time I ever tried to ask a girl on a date it went something like this. I said something to the effect of, "Do you want to go on a date?" and she said, verbatim, "But you're so fat!" Sure it was mean, but since then I've lost 60 pounds and no girl has ever turned me down based on weight (But for a ton of other reasons, girls are mean!)
* I have a bounce in my step, a genetic hand-me-down from my great grandfather. Then again he spent his life in a New Jersey insane asylum for raping and killing a small girl. Now when people point out the slight bounce (it gets more pronounced when I walk with urgency or excitement) I get extremely uncomfortable.
* My entire family on my father's side (except for my father) disowned me when my grandmother died. She was deep in the grips of diabetic kidney and liver failure, and I drove the 15 hours to Jersey to be with her. She loved to go to Atlantic City and gamble, she was a wealthy woman, and before she died, when she still had her strength, she took all of her children (except my father) to Atlantic City and had them watch as she lost every single penny she owned. In her will I collected her coin collection (Worth a few thousand dollars, not that I will ever, ever, ever sell it). She would always tell the family that I was the last O'Leary, the only one to carry on the name (How's that for a burden?), and my whole family hates me because I was the only one who didn't beg for an inheritance.
* I used to do high school theater (My biggest shame)
miaka:
I was cool until the last one, high school theather...EWWW. 