Raise your hand if you're reading this...now put your hand down, people are going to think you're silly sitting at the computer with your hand raised high. I just wanted to make sure people actually read this thing. Can't let these words go to waste you know.
Also, I would like to say that this story, while sad, is not me bitching, I promise, it has a happy ending!
*ahem* Anyway. I would like to talk about something that's been bothering me since I hit puberty and became painfully aware of myself. I used to HATE my body. So far to this date I've been the only guy I know who will admit publically that he at least used to hate, hate, hate his body.
See it all started in the Eighth grade. I had this huge, huge, major crush on this girl, Nikki Sanders. The main reason I never approached her was because at the time she was dating Kyle Moffat, sports superstar supreme of the eighth grade. I kept wondering why I couldn't speak to her, approach her, even look at her without my body turning to jelly.
Turns out it was because my body was made out of jelly. I didn't know it until that point that I was a big kid. I was 250+ pounds of eighth grade boy. Also I shaved my head, so I looked like a damned Thanksgiving turkey. I remember I'd be in my room crying because in the other room, between ultra-thin walls I could hear my sister talking on the phones to her friends, making fun of her fat little brother. I mean, I have had many, many horrible, private things happen to me, but the be-all-end-all worst one was the constant public humiliation by my sister.
So I did what any eighth grade boy would do, nothing. Eighth grade came and went, and then high school came. I'm only 22 years old but I can barely remember my freshman year of high school. It's a total and complete blur to me. All I remember is that I struggled through the whole thing. For some reason there were not many big kids in my class and I was some sort of easy target.
The summer between Freshman and Sophomore year I lost my virginity. It was funny actually (in hindsight) because I had spent years wanting to finally have sex with a girl and I never actually put any thought into what I was supposed to do when I got there. Luckily, that was the last moment of my awkward childhood.
I started kickboxing. Kickboxing changed my life. I went from somewhere around 275 pounds to 200-210 in single summer. Kickboxing was almost as good as sex. Kickboxing saved my life.
But I still wasn't comfortable with myself and I didn't know a single guy who was in my position. I went from big kid with the shaved head to not so big kid with badly gelled hair (oh high school hairstyles). I had girlfriends, I went through awkward clothing trends. Looking back I was just going through high school like everyone else.
Now I'm down to 187 pounds. I'm almost 100 pounds less than what I used to be about 5 years ago. It took me until recently to realize that I have a 34 inch waist and everything I wear is a size medium. I'm not conceited or self centered in any way, but I have finally after years, and years, and years become comfortable with myself.
Now if I ever do get self centered or conceited please, please, please smack me upside the head. I hate those kinds of guys.
So here's a picture of me circa 15 minutes ago.
Yeah, I am definitely much improved, and I must say that if it weren't for my dimples and freckles I would have never survived.
The best thing I learned about my whole experience was that the girls who tried way too hard to be pretty, the girls with too much make-up, the girls who only dated guys who played traditional sports, and drove trucks with gun racks, those girls were not worth the time of day. I learned that the non-traditional girls, the girls who weren't starving themselves or throwing up to conform to some idea of beautiful were the most fun girls. Of course many of those girls were just naturally skinny but because it was natural, they didn't devote their whole lives to their looks. If it wasn't for me being the big awkward kid I would have never learned to love and appreciate the women I love today. So it ain't all bad.
Like me, I enjoy the occasional jog and I try my best to do pilates regularly, but I'd much rather go out with friends and gorge on food and alcohol than stay home and do crunches. I put friends before myself, always.
Also, I would like to say that this story, while sad, is not me bitching, I promise, it has a happy ending!
*ahem* Anyway. I would like to talk about something that's been bothering me since I hit puberty and became painfully aware of myself. I used to HATE my body. So far to this date I've been the only guy I know who will admit publically that he at least used to hate, hate, hate his body.
See it all started in the Eighth grade. I had this huge, huge, major crush on this girl, Nikki Sanders. The main reason I never approached her was because at the time she was dating Kyle Moffat, sports superstar supreme of the eighth grade. I kept wondering why I couldn't speak to her, approach her, even look at her without my body turning to jelly.
Turns out it was because my body was made out of jelly. I didn't know it until that point that I was a big kid. I was 250+ pounds of eighth grade boy. Also I shaved my head, so I looked like a damned Thanksgiving turkey. I remember I'd be in my room crying because in the other room, between ultra-thin walls I could hear my sister talking on the phones to her friends, making fun of her fat little brother. I mean, I have had many, many horrible, private things happen to me, but the be-all-end-all worst one was the constant public humiliation by my sister.
So I did what any eighth grade boy would do, nothing. Eighth grade came and went, and then high school came. I'm only 22 years old but I can barely remember my freshman year of high school. It's a total and complete blur to me. All I remember is that I struggled through the whole thing. For some reason there were not many big kids in my class and I was some sort of easy target.
The summer between Freshman and Sophomore year I lost my virginity. It was funny actually (in hindsight) because I had spent years wanting to finally have sex with a girl and I never actually put any thought into what I was supposed to do when I got there. Luckily, that was the last moment of my awkward childhood.
I started kickboxing. Kickboxing changed my life. I went from somewhere around 275 pounds to 200-210 in single summer. Kickboxing was almost as good as sex. Kickboxing saved my life.
But I still wasn't comfortable with myself and I didn't know a single guy who was in my position. I went from big kid with the shaved head to not so big kid with badly gelled hair (oh high school hairstyles). I had girlfriends, I went through awkward clothing trends. Looking back I was just going through high school like everyone else.
Now I'm down to 187 pounds. I'm almost 100 pounds less than what I used to be about 5 years ago. It took me until recently to realize that I have a 34 inch waist and everything I wear is a size medium. I'm not conceited or self centered in any way, but I have finally after years, and years, and years become comfortable with myself.
Now if I ever do get self centered or conceited please, please, please smack me upside the head. I hate those kinds of guys.
So here's a picture of me circa 15 minutes ago.
Yeah, I am definitely much improved, and I must say that if it weren't for my dimples and freckles I would have never survived.
The best thing I learned about my whole experience was that the girls who tried way too hard to be pretty, the girls with too much make-up, the girls who only dated guys who played traditional sports, and drove trucks with gun racks, those girls were not worth the time of day. I learned that the non-traditional girls, the girls who weren't starving themselves or throwing up to conform to some idea of beautiful were the most fun girls. Of course many of those girls were just naturally skinny but because it was natural, they didn't devote their whole lives to their looks. If it wasn't for me being the big awkward kid I would have never learned to love and appreciate the women I love today. So it ain't all bad.
Like me, I enjoy the occasional jog and I try my best to do pilates regularly, but I'd much rather go out with friends and gorge on food and alcohol than stay home and do crunches. I put friends before myself, always.
halokitty:
aww i know i have always been the fat chick! but i love you and i dont care if your 100 lbs or 620 i love your person and i want you to know that.......... 