We live in a fast paced, highly technological society. We expect everything to be lightning fast, information should be literally within arms reach through our cell phone, blackberry, laptop, home computer, television, radio. Especially for teenagers. What would we do without our onslaught of celebrity gossip? Even gossip within social groups travel fast between kids. Myspace, Facebook, text messaging, everyone knows what's going on with everyone, from the famous to the kids wandering high school hallways.
At my job I have to relay many, many prank calls every day. When kids type their messages they're always extremely short, every possible word is abbreviated, and anything with more than two syllables is either misspelled or shortened.
This is for all of the kids out there, the victims of the internet generation. First we thought ebonics was taking over our children, but now it's the internet, replacing the English language with shortened, abbreviated garbage.
* lol, omg, roflmao - everyone has typed those at some point. Raise your hand if you every typed lol to someone and actually laughed out loud. It never accompanies a genuine laugh or emotion, it's just a filler phrase that's a substitute for an actual thought out response. When they come through in relay calls we don't have to translate internet slang, so I'll just say "l o l" or "o m g" spelling the phrase rather than saying its actual meaning. Every time the kid on the voice end will say with disgust, "That means laugh out loud" as if I don't actually know. Everyone knows what it means, but I work with the English language, not slang. At work we're not supposed to assume anything, if we're not sure, spell it out and the voice user can figure it out on their own.
* You're, your, their, there, they're - You're is a conjunction for you are, such as you're a retarded kid who failed English class. Your is a possesive pronoun. Your car, your bike. Their is possessive. As in their friends are better than mine, their parents care about what they learn in school. There has a few uses but mainly it indicates placement or a position. Let's go over there. There's where I got beat up after class. They're is a conjunction of they are. They're sending me to a special school for special kids.
* Expletives - In private, and in conversation with people we know well, we'll all cuss, at least a little bit. It's normal, it's socially acceptable, but kids take it to a whole new level. It's like they're trying to have a contest to see who can out cuss the other kid. In public and in the workplace it's not acceptable. I can not go into a restaurant and throw around words like shit, fuck, nigger without severely agitating the people around me, and it someone at an adjacent table was doing the same I'd be just as mad. At work we are not allowed to cuss outside of calls because it's a professional decency. There are plenty of kids who apply at work because they've been raised on the internet and can type at nearly 100wpm, but it's their first job, their parents haven't taught them professional courtesy and their getting fired within their first weeks for insubordination and extreme language. Work and play are two separate things kids, don't forget.
* Teenage sexuality - Who has looser morals, the Romans or modern teenagers? I get calls every day where kids are joking about some pretty extreme subjects. Young boys will call young girls with threats of rape, or extremely inappropriate sexual jokes and comments, young girls will jokingly entice young boys with sexual comments and suggestions. What's going to happen when that boy rapes a girl because he thinks that's what all girls want, and what's going to happen when that girl gets raped because she thought it was hilarious to jokingly beg for sex.
Teenagers are idiots. Parents seem to be afraid of disciplining their children for fear that social services are going to come and lock them up because they spanked their kid or took away their cell phone privileges. Girls Gone Wild, College Fuck Fest, every National Lampoon's movie released in the past decade all perpetuate the stereotype that all you need is a case of beer and a girl and sex is guaranteed! STDs and pregnancy are regarded as almost a joke to teenage guys because if a girl does get pregnant or does get a disease all they're going to say is "She was a whore, she could have gotten it from anyone."
In reality alcohol does not get you friends, at least not friends that will last long, and they're not willing to help you with anything that doesn't involve rubber tubing and a funnel. Sex is great, but if done irresponsibly can lead to a whole host of troubles. Raise your hand if you really want painful sores on your genitals and if you think that having a kid at 17 is the new Prada handbag.
But can I change anyone? Is any kid going to read this and think, "Oh, so that's what proper grammar is," or "You mean no really means no?" Absolutely not. The only way people change is through drastic measures. Maybe a handful of DUI arrests, a drunk driving crash, maybe that new shampoo you have to rub on your crotch to make the burning go away, or those brand new stretch marks you got because the baby is ready to come out just in time for graduation. Kids are a lost cause, and all of the drug abuse and abstinence programs in the world aren't going to change a thing.
But Joe Francis going to jail for 35 days is a beautiful, beautiful thing. He's even going to be arrested again the moment he steps out of jail and faces a whole year in jail. One illiterate scumbag down, many millions more to go.
At my job I have to relay many, many prank calls every day. When kids type their messages they're always extremely short, every possible word is abbreviated, and anything with more than two syllables is either misspelled or shortened.
This is for all of the kids out there, the victims of the internet generation. First we thought ebonics was taking over our children, but now it's the internet, replacing the English language with shortened, abbreviated garbage.
* lol, omg, roflmao - everyone has typed those at some point. Raise your hand if you every typed lol to someone and actually laughed out loud. It never accompanies a genuine laugh or emotion, it's just a filler phrase that's a substitute for an actual thought out response. When they come through in relay calls we don't have to translate internet slang, so I'll just say "l o l" or "o m g" spelling the phrase rather than saying its actual meaning. Every time the kid on the voice end will say with disgust, "That means laugh out loud" as if I don't actually know. Everyone knows what it means, but I work with the English language, not slang. At work we're not supposed to assume anything, if we're not sure, spell it out and the voice user can figure it out on their own.
* You're, your, their, there, they're - You're is a conjunction for you are, such as you're a retarded kid who failed English class. Your is a possesive pronoun. Your car, your bike. Their is possessive. As in their friends are better than mine, their parents care about what they learn in school. There has a few uses but mainly it indicates placement or a position. Let's go over there. There's where I got beat up after class. They're is a conjunction of they are. They're sending me to a special school for special kids.
* Expletives - In private, and in conversation with people we know well, we'll all cuss, at least a little bit. It's normal, it's socially acceptable, but kids take it to a whole new level. It's like they're trying to have a contest to see who can out cuss the other kid. In public and in the workplace it's not acceptable. I can not go into a restaurant and throw around words like shit, fuck, nigger without severely agitating the people around me, and it someone at an adjacent table was doing the same I'd be just as mad. At work we are not allowed to cuss outside of calls because it's a professional decency. There are plenty of kids who apply at work because they've been raised on the internet and can type at nearly 100wpm, but it's their first job, their parents haven't taught them professional courtesy and their getting fired within their first weeks for insubordination and extreme language. Work and play are two separate things kids, don't forget.
* Teenage sexuality - Who has looser morals, the Romans or modern teenagers? I get calls every day where kids are joking about some pretty extreme subjects. Young boys will call young girls with threats of rape, or extremely inappropriate sexual jokes and comments, young girls will jokingly entice young boys with sexual comments and suggestions. What's going to happen when that boy rapes a girl because he thinks that's what all girls want, and what's going to happen when that girl gets raped because she thought it was hilarious to jokingly beg for sex.
Teenagers are idiots. Parents seem to be afraid of disciplining their children for fear that social services are going to come and lock them up because they spanked their kid or took away their cell phone privileges. Girls Gone Wild, College Fuck Fest, every National Lampoon's movie released in the past decade all perpetuate the stereotype that all you need is a case of beer and a girl and sex is guaranteed! STDs and pregnancy are regarded as almost a joke to teenage guys because if a girl does get pregnant or does get a disease all they're going to say is "She was a whore, she could have gotten it from anyone."
In reality alcohol does not get you friends, at least not friends that will last long, and they're not willing to help you with anything that doesn't involve rubber tubing and a funnel. Sex is great, but if done irresponsibly can lead to a whole host of troubles. Raise your hand if you really want painful sores on your genitals and if you think that having a kid at 17 is the new Prada handbag.
But can I change anyone? Is any kid going to read this and think, "Oh, so that's what proper grammar is," or "You mean no really means no?" Absolutely not. The only way people change is through drastic measures. Maybe a handful of DUI arrests, a drunk driving crash, maybe that new shampoo you have to rub on your crotch to make the burning go away, or those brand new stretch marks you got because the baby is ready to come out just in time for graduation. Kids are a lost cause, and all of the drug abuse and abstinence programs in the world aren't going to change a thing.
But Joe Francis going to jail for 35 days is a beautiful, beautiful thing. He's even going to be arrested again the moment he steps out of jail and faces a whole year in jail. One illiterate scumbag down, many millions more to go.
synema:
Happy Birthday!
