Toughest Cities In The USA
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10- MILWAUKEE WI-
America's thirstiest city thrives despite the worst diet of any top 10 place. Only 22% of Cheeseheads here eat their daily recommended servings of fruits and veggies. Adding to the toughness are overwhelmingly grey skies and a high incidence of "Ladies" who smoke. Their problem and the solution???? BEER!!
9- FORT WORTH TEXAS-
You know a city is hard when you can walk down the block and NOT see a Starbucks. The tough side of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex has the fewest Starbucks per square mile on the list. The model of urban scrawl also has the HIGHEST concentration of Trans Ams on the road! A Coincidence? Shut up and sit down.
8- COLUMBUS OHIO-
In Future Ohio State promo brochures, boosters can cite this research: Columbus offers the highest concentration of cheap hotel rooms on the list and offers non stop gloomy weather- 183 cloudy days a year!!! So Kiddies, there's no need to fork out big bucks for off campus sex or fumble for sunglasses when the hangover hits.
7- SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA-
Why the hell is this sweet spot in SoCal on the list? Tough performances in three categories - Tattoo parlours (one or every 13,600 residents), Kung-Fu studios (One for every 104,600) and Marin Enlistments (404 locals served in 2005). Were its name not German for a whale's vagina, the triangle of tough would have made the top five.
6-SEATTLE WASHINGTON-
HOw do locals offset the untoughness of the city's minted Microsoft class? By strengthening their Kung FU at one of the cities dedicated studios- There's one or every 64,00 residents- and by suffering heartache whenever their sports teams take the field. It's a town so tough even the sun is afraid to show up every summer.
5-HOUSTON TEXAS-
Life is rough in the shadow of Oil Industry profits. More than 23% of the Houstonians have the balls to live without health insurance, and 715 of her sons served the Marines in 2005. They even support their MLB and NFL teams despite the fact ZERO world series of Super Bowl championships banners hang in their stadiums.
4- BALTIMORE MARYLAND-
In Bodymore, Murderland, there's a funeral home for every 10,800 residents. Not that your loved ones will be able to afford a fitting farewell when you die eight yers earlier than the national average: Last year the city sported an unemployment rate of 6.4%. Only the STRONG survive here.
3-DETROIT MICHIGAN-
The Motor City's troubles are well-documented' the preponderance of unemployemnt and football team that boasts a 24-72 record during the current GM's Tenure. Let me add to the list: Detroit's Citizens survive a mere 27.6 Miles from a Nuclear Power Plant. Thats not just Tough, thats Homer Simpson Tough!!
2- LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA-
Surely it's hard to listen to Hollywood Jibber Jabber all day. But for every Jake Gyllenhaal playing a Jar-Head for Hollywoof bucks, there are countless more Angelenos signing up to join the Marines to serve team USA. In 2005 more than 1,000 of LA's Sons but sacrifice before themselves, as actors bravely chirp about Hybrid cars.
1- CHICAGO ILLINOIS-
Whats life like in Tough City USA? Take a day off from the job you don't have (5.2% unemployment) and hitch a ride with a female smoker (20% puff puff) to Wrigley Field. Look up (it's gloomy 168 days of the year) and scream "GOD, GIVE THE CUBS A BREAK!!!" You'll hear nothing back.
Tough people don't need breaks.
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10- MILWAUKEE WI-
America's thirstiest city thrives despite the worst diet of any top 10 place. Only 22% of Cheeseheads here eat their daily recommended servings of fruits and veggies. Adding to the toughness are overwhelmingly grey skies and a high incidence of "Ladies" who smoke. Their problem and the solution???? BEER!!
9- FORT WORTH TEXAS-
You know a city is hard when you can walk down the block and NOT see a Starbucks. The tough side of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex has the fewest Starbucks per square mile on the list. The model of urban scrawl also has the HIGHEST concentration of Trans Ams on the road! A Coincidence? Shut up and sit down.
8- COLUMBUS OHIO-
In Future Ohio State promo brochures, boosters can cite this research: Columbus offers the highest concentration of cheap hotel rooms on the list and offers non stop gloomy weather- 183 cloudy days a year!!! So Kiddies, there's no need to fork out big bucks for off campus sex or fumble for sunglasses when the hangover hits.
7- SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA-
Why the hell is this sweet spot in SoCal on the list? Tough performances in three categories - Tattoo parlours (one or every 13,600 residents), Kung-Fu studios (One for every 104,600) and Marin Enlistments (404 locals served in 2005). Were its name not German for a whale's vagina, the triangle of tough would have made the top five.
6-SEATTLE WASHINGTON-
HOw do locals offset the untoughness of the city's minted Microsoft class? By strengthening their Kung FU at one of the cities dedicated studios- There's one or every 64,00 residents- and by suffering heartache whenever their sports teams take the field. It's a town so tough even the sun is afraid to show up every summer.
5-HOUSTON TEXAS-
Life is rough in the shadow of Oil Industry profits. More than 23% of the Houstonians have the balls to live without health insurance, and 715 of her sons served the Marines in 2005. They even support their MLB and NFL teams despite the fact ZERO world series of Super Bowl championships banners hang in their stadiums.
4- BALTIMORE MARYLAND-
In Bodymore, Murderland, there's a funeral home for every 10,800 residents. Not that your loved ones will be able to afford a fitting farewell when you die eight yers earlier than the national average: Last year the city sported an unemployment rate of 6.4%. Only the STRONG survive here.
3-DETROIT MICHIGAN-
The Motor City's troubles are well-documented' the preponderance of unemployemnt and football team that boasts a 24-72 record during the current GM's Tenure. Let me add to the list: Detroit's Citizens survive a mere 27.6 Miles from a Nuclear Power Plant. Thats not just Tough, thats Homer Simpson Tough!!
2- LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA-
Surely it's hard to listen to Hollywood Jibber Jabber all day. But for every Jake Gyllenhaal playing a Jar-Head for Hollywoof bucks, there are countless more Angelenos signing up to join the Marines to serve team USA. In 2005 more than 1,000 of LA's Sons but sacrifice before themselves, as actors bravely chirp about Hybrid cars.
1- CHICAGO ILLINOIS-
Whats life like in Tough City USA? Take a day off from the job you don't have (5.2% unemployment) and hitch a ride with a female smoker (20% puff puff) to Wrigley Field. Look up (it's gloomy 168 days of the year) and scream "GOD, GIVE THE CUBS A BREAK!!!" You'll hear nothing back.
Tough people don't need breaks.