Today was my wake up day.
I got up at 8:30, took a shower, put on some clothes and make up and headed out the door. When I got home, I made some homemade rice with chicken broth and sliced carrots. I burned a huge section of my wrist with scalding hot rice. Long story, don't ask, but now I look like a cutter with my wrist all bandaged up with gauze and medical tape. It burns like hell and I think I probably deserve it.
In between going and coming, I found out something very important. In all the hub-bub of my life, with all the craziness surrounding me, I realized something really important. There ISN'T any chaos around me. It's all me. I make myself freak out. I make myself worry and act stupid. I am the reason I stress out. And I'm stupid enough to take it out on other people. So, so stupid. I'm an idiot sometimes.
So, my wake up call... yeah... My mom said it best. "You won't have a reason to stress out if you don't let there be one." She told me to take some time for myself. To calm down, to look around me and realize it's not so bad. And it's not. It's pretty damn good actually. I have a friends who stick with me, a wonderful boyfriend, a family that loves me no matter what and a damn good theatre resume. It's funny how you can take such good things for granted.
So. It's time for me to wake up and stop being stupid. And please, guys. If I'm stupid, just grab me by the shoulders and tell me to wake up and quit being an idiot. Please.
I got up at 8:30, took a shower, put on some clothes and make up and headed out the door. When I got home, I made some homemade rice with chicken broth and sliced carrots. I burned a huge section of my wrist with scalding hot rice. Long story, don't ask, but now I look like a cutter with my wrist all bandaged up with gauze and medical tape. It burns like hell and I think I probably deserve it.
In between going and coming, I found out something very important. In all the hub-bub of my life, with all the craziness surrounding me, I realized something really important. There ISN'T any chaos around me. It's all me. I make myself freak out. I make myself worry and act stupid. I am the reason I stress out. And I'm stupid enough to take it out on other people. So, so stupid. I'm an idiot sometimes.
So, my wake up call... yeah... My mom said it best. "You won't have a reason to stress out if you don't let there be one." She told me to take some time for myself. To calm down, to look around me and realize it's not so bad. And it's not. It's pretty damn good actually. I have a friends who stick with me, a wonderful boyfriend, a family that loves me no matter what and a damn good theatre resume. It's funny how you can take such good things for granted.
So. It's time for me to wake up and stop being stupid. And please, guys. If I'm stupid, just grab me by the shoulders and tell me to wake up and quit being an idiot. Please.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
phoenixgirl:
that second paragragh you wrote...you just described me to a T...I am exactly the same...I have a decent life, there isnt anything to worry or stress about, yet I started back to wrok, and I am overly anxios about something I know rationally I can do...dont you just hate that shit??..........and I burn myself when I cook to 
punknitemike:
dont blame everything on yourself! sometimes life just gets sticky and we always hate to blame ourselves for things so we take it out on other people. it happens! dont fret too much though, at least you've realized what you've been doing! so when is your big move?