Been clean for a week and a half - not that long but i've made a pretty adamant decision that I don't plan on going back on. If I did the guilt I would feel would not be worth it and I know that. SO... New Year and it's going to be a sober one. Well, little bit of alcohol and perhaps weed but that'll be it. I already feel better, my brain is recovering and my mood is better. Helps that i'm off to Rarotonga today, should be amazing - i'll put up some photos of the place i'm staying when I get back because it's incredible. The house we're staying in has a large pool in front of it and then right in front of that is the beach and the lagoon. Bringing snorkeling gear along and hopefully there'll be some good areas to go to. I don't know much about the place but apparently it's very lush which is the kind of thing I love. So yeah, it's with my parents and my brother but no reason I can't enjoy it very very much. And it's nice that i've had the week and a half off things so that my system is cleaned out a bit and my mind isn't shadowed by any withdrawal. I read some of my earlier blogs about sobriety and they almost made me cry - I was so sure and so happy, I want to be back in that state. There's a guy I was seeing that was connected to the drug use - the sex was.. .. the best - so I don't think it's a good idea to continue that unless I know for sure there won't be any drugs involved. I'm not sure i'll ever be able to be certain so perhaps it's best to completely cut links. I made a pros and cons list for the drug taking and it speaks pretty clearly to me so finger's crossed eh. Should probably write a book about addiction after all my ups and downs, and all the different things that have been addictions for me. I just don't know whether my writing style would ever be good enough.
So yeah it's amazing to have what feels like a clean slate with the New Year, if the seemingly arbitrary way of counting the passing time has any merits it's the way a New Year can make you feel like making new beginnings.
I think that's all I want to say right now. Hope everyone had a good Christmas and holiday, my love goes out to you all. <3
So yeah it's amazing to have what feels like a clean slate with the New Year, if the seemingly arbitrary way of counting the passing time has any merits it's the way a New Year can make you feel like making new beginnings.
I think that's all I want to say right now. Hope everyone had a good Christmas and holiday, my love goes out to you all. <3
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
redrufus4u:
Good luck with clean slate! Three years here. Best three years of my life!
knives2meatyou:
Hello. I have had an interest in Rarotonga for awhile - looking forward to seeing your pictures! I hope you're doing well and staying clean (or as clean as works best for you). Very nice to meet you. I have developed somewhat of a fixation on NZ lately and have been thinking about Wellington. Perhaps you can give me your point of view on what the city is like and what are your favorite places in NZ. Thanks!