ladymayhem

Ok so it's about time for a new rant, I keep looking at that old one and getting annoyed because it's so out of date. I've been getting drunk and/or stoned way too much recently and making an arse out of myself.. but yet I haven't been laid all year and i'm starting to worry whether my weight has just reached the point where men are just physically repulsed. I know that sounds all cliche woman whining, but i'm very used to male attention and I have actually reached a worrying and kind of disgusting weight.. I'm so deprived of affection, even minor flirting, I feel very desolate and seriously frustrated. Just some flirting! Holding hands! I would have scorned and sneered at this epistle a couple of years ago, not just for its weakness but for its... desperation and also the fact that it's TRUE. I've been single for almost three years now with now future hope on the horizon. So i need to lose weight but I know that's not all of it. Possibly just focusing on myself, try writing and sketching and work on the guitar. I have uni again now which is good, possibly some man there will not mind.. WAIT focusing on myself... Casual sex I don't want, even a relationship with no sex would be fine by me, for a while anyway. I've made myself sound even less appealing than I probably am, I think my lonliness and desperation can be smelled, they cling to me like a film and when people pick up on it they run a mile. Oh to be the strong person I once was, the confidence, the knowledge that everything would turn out for the best and that happiness was in store. I need to gain that back. Little steps. I even feel better after writing this.

Right, I will not write again until my outlook has improved. I need to find ways to restore my confidence inch by inch, ideas anyone?