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ladymayhem

Member Since 2003

Followers 452 Following 331

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Tuesday Jul 07, 2009

Jul 7, 2009
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So.

I'm clean.

Well i'm still on a maintenance dose of suboxone (a drug which helps with withdrawals) and am still lowering my clonazepam but it's progress and eventually i'll be completely clear of everything.

I met some wonderful people in detox, I miss them terribly, it was so awesome to have the companionship especially when they're people on the same wavelength who aren't hiding their problems and pretending everything's good in their lives. I'll be keeping in contact with many of them. They gave me a sobriety bracelet, i'm not allowed to wear it if i use. I made them all earrings with which the same rule applied. I did make some nice jewellery in there so i have finally decided that yes i will make it into a business. I will also incorporate paintings eventually.. anything creative that i can sell really.

I'm really feeling great, i have a future which actually requires me to face reality for the first time since i was 14. I've been on one substance or other on a daily basis since that age. I'll be going to NA meetings and other group meetings three times a week to keep me strong and have other people's stories motivate and inspire me. I have a free membership for swimming so i'll be doing that 4 times a week.. i chose swimming as i simply love it and it's good exercise. I'll be doing one paper for uni so i'm keeping my foot in the door without putting too much pressure on myself.

Also i'll be moving into my own flat. I find this old territory has too many triggers and also.. well, my dad was the one supplying me with the drugs. I know i can get them off him if that's what i want. I've got to get away from here into independence. It's awesome as i have beautiful table and chairs.. fridge, washing machine drier.. couches.. huge tv.. everything i need. So i'll be renting a place and then getting flatmates.

So that's my plan.

I can't wait to be in this world clean, meet people clean, form relationships that don't involve different drugged up versions of myself without the real one ever poking through..

The thing i've got to work on the hardest is not allowing things to get dull and making sure my motivation doesn't fade. I know i can do it. I refuse to go any further down that road i was on.. i managed to escape once unscathed but i'm sure as hell not taking the gamble again.

kiss
english_dave:

Looking good MP.
I am pleased for ya!
Jul 7, 2009
veehaitch:
Miranda thats awesome!! You never really looked bad, cant wait to see ya back all happy
Jul 7, 2009

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