ladylucretia

Monday blahs..... I hate my depression, it is trying to creep up on me again and I refuse to let it! I feel like shit today, like I haven't lost a damned pound, that the weight is just moving around and repositioning itself on me.... although I know this isn't true, I still feel this way.

I also feel somewhat lost... I can't explain it. Maybe not lost, but misplaced.... that sounds better.

I need to do some pics and build up a more updated portfolio... I need models that I can call on a moments notice and say "HEY let's go shoot some pics today!".... that would be cool.

On second thought, I'm not lost or misplaced.... I'm just at a standstill... something is about to break thru for me, I've been feeling this way for a few weeks now.... but nothing yet.

I'm still bummed about the studio, but that was my practice run.... I'm going to miss having a hide-a-way though.... the time was not right yet.... and not to sound cliche, but yeah, things do all happen for a reason.... I'm thinking life is trying to tell me I don't need a physical studio to be a good and successful photographer.... just a good camera and my imagination/creativity. I've gotten a lot of compliments on my photos and 98% weren't done in a studio or indoors for that matter.... Stick with what you know and go from there; that is what I am going to do for now. When the time is right, another opportunity will arise. There is no use sitting around crying about what happened. I am seeking legal council and going to get my money back from what I put into the place, and then some. I have scar tissue now; I am ready to move on.

I've been cleaning and going thru stuff in the house, getting all the crap I don't need or want ready for a yard sale.... downsizing feels good. Fuck this pack-rat crap.... I don't need the extra baggage.... and I mean that spiritually and mentally as well as physically. I'm all about eliminating people from my life that are not conducive to what I need and want for myself... all negative people and influences are being shut out. I am going to do things that make me happy and do everything with passion. Live, love and enjoy life to its fullest. There may not be a tomorrow.

On that note.... I'm outta here... gonna go workout as usual and keep fighting the war.....