Monday Jul 22, 2013

1
Disheartened. I just wish people could see me, I know its part of having BPD, but sometimes I just get so tired of dealing with the attachment issues and all the bullshit with trying to make friends and start relationships. When things get too intense I tend to hide away, and people think I am this weak person, when in reality, I am too intense, I fall head over heels into the river and it always feels like I am drowning the other person, then I feel guilty that I don't live up to the expectation so I pull away, and its this never ending loop. I want friends, I want to fall in love, but I am really starting to think that maybe that's just not who I'm meant to be.

I cheated on my ex husband with a man that I had fallen in love with, but at the time I couldn't reach out, on the internet I can express my feelings all fucking day long, but in real life, I would rather run into a burning church than tell someone I have feelings for them. Well two years later he came back into my life and I was so happy to finally have the courage to be able to tell him how strong those feelings still were, but the timing is off, and I can already feel the loop starting, it kills me that I have the chance, but my fear is holding me back.

cassy:
much love girl. it's hard when you need to tell someone how you feel but you can't. you have to do what is right for you and live your life w/no regrets. that's my advice.
sometimes it means you have to stick your neck out, and the rewards are actually kinda great. i realize it's always a risk, but i dunno, without understanding the full situation, it's hard to give you advice. but, i always tell everyone, just be true to yourself. that's the most important thing <3
love ya.
p.s. thanks. i think he's the most adorable guy i've ever seen <3
lior:
At the end of the day we regret the things we didn't do, not the things we did. If you care about him let him know, you owe it to yourself to take a chance at happiness.

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