ladyker0sene

So My granny made me quit my night job as a Peachy's Puff. In a way i'm bummed because I needed the money. In another Way Im ok with it because I found the job degrading. I felt like a sellout to girl. You know the pretty ones that are high maintence and have to have expensive things. Im not one of those girls. I like sitting in the background. I like rocking out.I like getting dirty and being loud an done of the guys. I don't want to be groped up by guys unless I have feelings for them. I don't want to be hot or beautiful I want to be amazing inside and out. I thought this job would give me the attention I thought I wanted but I don't think it did. When the only time guys approach me and call me beautiful is when my cleave is showing and they are drunk I won't lie when I say it put a major damper on my already low self esteem. So I have some things to say, firstly to those that took the time to listen to me while I was crying, I say thank you. My granny finally realized after I was working two jobs that I really wanted and needed this comp so she said she would help. But I don't want her to help. I don't want to be a leech. I want to buy it on my own. I want to be independent and self sufficient. I want to be a proud woman and not a gold digger. And if my need to not fullfill the sterotypes an to instead be successful makes me high maintence and self involved, then im sorry, please don't bother to reply to the application to fix my broken heart.

So this summer has been two steps forward and one step back and it has barely even begun, but perhaps I was taking on too much too fast. In my first two weeks of work I already made myself sick as a dog and almost puked in Rasputin. I think that working one job will be enough for me. I will be patient and wait and earn what I know I deserve. And on the bright side, (yes the ever so emo Lady Ker0sene can be optimistic) Perhaps the new open time slot can be made to have fun and be with friends. I don't remember the last time I have been able to sit and really have fun. Maybe it's time again. Maybe with this new free time I can work on my music and start up a band, hang out with friends, work on my novel, explore the city more and perhaps fall in love. Who knows what this summer holds. All I know is that im getting my god dammed computer.