ladyjbean

I really like my new profile pic!
I was having an OK day, had to work, but I got paid! Then I got a message from my fiance that when he was out working our horse today, one of the girls that also has horses at our boarding place rode our horse and he behaved wonderfully. This should make me happy. It's the first time that he's been ridden at more than a walk. She walk-trot-cantered him and worked on leads. I'm really glad that he did well and, again, this should make me happy. But...
I wanted to be the one to ride him for the first time. I know that it's childish and that it's good that he's being ridden, but I feel like she stole my glory.
I lack confidence in the saddle and am rather insecure about my riding abilities. Because of this, I've been taking it slow with him. I want to be sure that he's going to do what I ask when we up the forwrd momentum. And I know that he probably would have done fine if I had asked him to go a bit faster, but I didn't want to push him too hard. I've only been on him once off lead (and he did really well) and I was planning to go faster the next time I rode him. I know that I still can, it's not like I won't ever ride him again, but still...

I guess I just feel a bit undesired. (Not sure if that's the word I want, but it's pretty close). The other receptionist at work is more desirable because she can work any time, so I get shafted on hours. Now there's a rider that is available more often and has more experience, so I'm not really needed to help train our horse. Now all I'm needed for is to ummm.....

Funny how the thing that I want to do the most (work with horses) is the thing that I seem to do the least.

Sorry about the sob story, but it's been one of those days.