ladydeath

Things you shouldn't say to start a conversation upon meeting someone:
"You look like a person with low standards."
"When I saw you,I lost control of all my bodily functions."
"Are you as lonely and depressed as I am?"
"I collect lint.How about you?"
"I have very few communicable diseases."

WARNING SIGNS OF BORDEM:
You paint little faces on each finger and pretend their people.
You spend hours watching bread grow moldy.
You braid your eyebrows.
You watch a three hour documentry on sewage treatment.
You start playing the spoons.
You wonder if you're really bored.

FAILED NEW YEAR RESOLUTION'S:
Get more exercise by dunking more doughnuts
Devise a method to eat while you sleep.
Bottle dog breath and sell it as paint remover.
Find your cousin a date within their species.
Read more (especially cookbooks)
Try to be more optimistic (not that it'll help)
Invent an automatic refrigerator-door opener.

WORDS TO LIVE BY:
Never put off till tomorrow what yo can eat today.(especially chocolate)
Take life one nap at a time.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Reach for the stars...settle for the bucks.
If you want to appear smarter,hang around someone stupider.
If you can't take it with you,eat it.