ladollyvita

i went to my first bridal shower today. it's one of 5 over the next three months. i had an hourlong drive home to think about how it made me feel, and i came up with two emotions.

super stoked and overjoyed for my friends, because i love them all very much and they are all over the moon excited and super in love.

and super fucking miserable, bitter, lonely, and sad for myself because with every passing day i feel like that kind of happiness will never be something that i can feel. The sad part is it isn't for lack of offers...I get asked out a lot, actually. It's weird, because this has never happened in my life but the past handful of months I've had endless amounts of people ask me on dates or random people at stores and things say super nice stuff. Good friends who are great people ask me out and tell me they are interested in a relationship with me, but I just can't seem to care. That's where the problem is...if I wanted someone I could have someone, but what I really want is to *feel* something. There's one person maybe, but there are factors that complicate it, and it really just bums me out mostly because the number of hellos will always equal the number of goodbyes.

bright eyes first day of my life came on and i started bawling in the car. how cliche is that? sigh.

and just think, only 4 more showers, 2 bachelorette parties, and 5 weddings to go. YAY.

oh well. at least this delicious dinner for one of thai leftovers is good. and. stuff. ugh.