lacunalethe

My wife and son were in the bay area for the weekend. I got close to four days alone. How fucking strange it is to be without your family. I never really had a sense of family growing up. Well I had a sense of family but that was more like fear and mistrust, wildly different from what the word family has come to mean to me. There's much more to what I'm feeling than I'm saying. Still the word family is wholly transformed for me. These last 4 days have passed quited slowly. I hardly spoke. I didn't cook at all which is very unusual for me. I did a lot of work around the house to keep from feeling so alone.
Now they're back and things are righting themselves. My son will be 2 in 9 days. The last 2 years has felt more like five. I feel like 18 to 31 passed in the blink of an eye. Most of it I don't remember. Funny how time works. Clocks keep counting. The Earth still spins.