more on dreams.
so i woke up in the best mood ive been in in a long time because i had these amazing nice dreams. weird stuff like falling in love with some faceless guy. he was sort of shy and innocent. it was sort of exciting.
this dream about sitting at a table with all of my friends from like all of these different groups and them all joking and getting along amazingly. then i ran off to find myself at some sort of summer camp.. i was running and taking off my clothes as i got to a cabin. this new love interest was following/chasing me. and i was laughing until i fell off the side of the second story which just happened to be lacking a wall? 16 foot drop... but i pulled him down with me and we sort of saved each other. then, hardly being comfortable with each other, we started kissing in the grass where we fell. Me, being naked by this time felt him about to (ewww this is where is gets graphic...) penetrate me. like that weird anticipation moment right before sex where it just slightly caresses and just before the immediate catharsis of penetration, i woke up.
i dont know who it was in my dream. i have some guesses. maybe no one specific. maybe a mix of a couple of guys. maybe someone i met briefly in that night i dont remember much this weekend? maybe someone ive had sex with before? or wanted to?
well anyway, i got on the computer after waking up and found myself suddenly feeling like i was imposing.
i remember my friend beckie in high school said something so profound to my boyfriend at the time who just would not stop hanging all over me.
"i wouldnt want to be where im not wanted"
and i thought FUCK YEAH! and well i guess i need to live up to that. if someone really wanted to talk to me, i guess they would make it a point to. its nothing so personal or dramatic as HOWEVER it may seem. im just sick of making so much effort.
i remember telling my friend chris (spm) that it just pisses me off that i feel like i have to beg people to hang out with me. people dont call me to hang out, people are never anticipating the next time they can talk to me. its really hurting my feelings that i have to try so hard. seattle is like that, i guess.
i used to be so addicting.
so i woke up in the best mood ive been in in a long time because i had these amazing nice dreams. weird stuff like falling in love with some faceless guy. he was sort of shy and innocent. it was sort of exciting.
this dream about sitting at a table with all of my friends from like all of these different groups and them all joking and getting along amazingly. then i ran off to find myself at some sort of summer camp.. i was running and taking off my clothes as i got to a cabin. this new love interest was following/chasing me. and i was laughing until i fell off the side of the second story which just happened to be lacking a wall? 16 foot drop... but i pulled him down with me and we sort of saved each other. then, hardly being comfortable with each other, we started kissing in the grass where we fell. Me, being naked by this time felt him about to (ewww this is where is gets graphic...) penetrate me. like that weird anticipation moment right before sex where it just slightly caresses and just before the immediate catharsis of penetration, i woke up.
i dont know who it was in my dream. i have some guesses. maybe no one specific. maybe a mix of a couple of guys. maybe someone i met briefly in that night i dont remember much this weekend? maybe someone ive had sex with before? or wanted to?
well anyway, i got on the computer after waking up and found myself suddenly feeling like i was imposing.
i remember my friend beckie in high school said something so profound to my boyfriend at the time who just would not stop hanging all over me.
"i wouldnt want to be where im not wanted"
and i thought FUCK YEAH! and well i guess i need to live up to that. if someone really wanted to talk to me, i guess they would make it a point to. its nothing so personal or dramatic as HOWEVER it may seem. im just sick of making so much effort.
i remember telling my friend chris (spm) that it just pisses me off that i feel like i have to beg people to hang out with me. people dont call me to hang out, people are never anticipating the next time they can talk to me. its really hurting my feelings that i have to try so hard. seattle is like that, i guess.
i used to be so addicting.
tomeiningen:
That's some good insight into the woman's view of sex. I don't have any advice to give you with friends but I do sympathize with you. Good luck finding where you are wanted.