This will probably the longest journal entry that I'll ever write, so pay attention:
1. I despise all seafood. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a marine biologist. I still watch anything and everything related to sea life. I never went to the beach until I was in high school, and soon realized that I was absolutely terrified of large bodies of water. I went to Dry Tortugas, an island off of Key West a few years ago with my ex-bf, and hyperventilated while snorkeling. I spent the rest of my vacation in the gift shop. Dude, there were BARRACUDA in that water.
2. I would like to write a book. Shamefully, I admit that I read wayyy too much chick lit. Upon reading such books, I know that I can do better. I even have a storyline. Maybe after grad school Ill give it a shot.
3. Im horribly un-artistic. I appreciate other peoples art in a way that most artists probably dont, simply because Im jealous. Ive never been good at drawing or anything remotely artistic. I looked into crocheting and knitting classes at Michaels, but Im wholeheartedly nervous that I will fail.
4. I have OCD. Not in the sense that I check the lights or door locks a certain amount of times, but I need to have things in a certain manner, and I compulsively pluck the hair on my body. Its all fun and games until you wake up one morning and all of your eyebrows are gone. Its been suggested that these are traits of a perfectionist, and I suppose they are right.
5. .however, failed perfectionism is inescapable and the main source of my anxiety. I blame my parents. Nothing I have done has ever been good enough. I have gone far and above anyone else in my family concerning education and career, and its still not enough for them. Not that they arent outwardly supportive, but their underhanded compliments make me so full of rage. For example, my last undergrad semester I was working full time and taking 6 classes at school. I managed to come out with 4 As and 2 Bs. Their question to me was why they werent all As. Well, fuck me in the ass. On the other hand, because of this, Im ridiculously ambitious. No one ever told me that I couldnt be anything that I wanted.
6. Deep down, Im such a hopeless romantic. Maybe I watch too many movies, but I want the fucking fairytale. I want it all. I want the career, and the husband, and MAYBE even the kids someday. The closest I have ever come to this dream was with my last boyfriend. He was really something. Not that we were at all close to marriage, but he was just so incredible to me. Everytime I hear that song Home on Delilah, this is the lyric that gets me misty eyed everytime Now I know just why you couldnt come along with me.this was not your dream, but you always believed in me.
7. Speaking of my last boyfriend, I miss him terribly. Most days I go through the motions and focus on me, which is all fine and dandy, and then I get caught up in a moment or a memory, and it just takes my breath away. He text flirted with me last Tuesday and Wednesday, but I still have no idea when I will see him again. I am so lonely without him, and I have absolutely no desire to fill his position with anyone else. How pathetic am I?
8. I need sex. Its been almost three months. After going nearly a year with almost daily sexual activity, Im hurting. The weird thing is, I cant even really get off alone anymore. Once I do, I immediately get depressed. Again, pathetic.
9. I barely even look at the sets here anymore. Im on the quality vs. quantity bandwagon.
10. Just some random facts that you may or may not know, I
Am 24 years old
Am an accountant
Am in graduate school
Am 58
Have one brother that I used to get on with very well, but have sadly grown apart from.
Have one half brother that has held a sporadic place in my life, but I guess I should be grateful as Im the only family member that he makes a half hearted effort with.
Love animals, especially dogs.
Have a father with emphysema, and has been on disability since his late 40s. Hes died twice. Secretly, a part of me fears that he will not be around much longer while the other part would be relieved to see him out of pain. This is the reason that I DESPISE smoking, and will not date anyone that does so. Call me whatever you want, but you haven't seen how it has impacted my family dynamic.
Love my mother now, but it has not always been so. We had a very strained relationship until I moved out on my own at age 19.
Was very poor growing up. Food stamps and all. We used to think money was white.
1. I despise all seafood. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a marine biologist. I still watch anything and everything related to sea life. I never went to the beach until I was in high school, and soon realized that I was absolutely terrified of large bodies of water. I went to Dry Tortugas, an island off of Key West a few years ago with my ex-bf, and hyperventilated while snorkeling. I spent the rest of my vacation in the gift shop. Dude, there were BARRACUDA in that water.
2. I would like to write a book. Shamefully, I admit that I read wayyy too much chick lit. Upon reading such books, I know that I can do better. I even have a storyline. Maybe after grad school Ill give it a shot.
3. Im horribly un-artistic. I appreciate other peoples art in a way that most artists probably dont, simply because Im jealous. Ive never been good at drawing or anything remotely artistic. I looked into crocheting and knitting classes at Michaels, but Im wholeheartedly nervous that I will fail.
4. I have OCD. Not in the sense that I check the lights or door locks a certain amount of times, but I need to have things in a certain manner, and I compulsively pluck the hair on my body. Its all fun and games until you wake up one morning and all of your eyebrows are gone. Its been suggested that these are traits of a perfectionist, and I suppose they are right.
5. .however, failed perfectionism is inescapable and the main source of my anxiety. I blame my parents. Nothing I have done has ever been good enough. I have gone far and above anyone else in my family concerning education and career, and its still not enough for them. Not that they arent outwardly supportive, but their underhanded compliments make me so full of rage. For example, my last undergrad semester I was working full time and taking 6 classes at school. I managed to come out with 4 As and 2 Bs. Their question to me was why they werent all As. Well, fuck me in the ass. On the other hand, because of this, Im ridiculously ambitious. No one ever told me that I couldnt be anything that I wanted.
6. Deep down, Im such a hopeless romantic. Maybe I watch too many movies, but I want the fucking fairytale. I want it all. I want the career, and the husband, and MAYBE even the kids someday. The closest I have ever come to this dream was with my last boyfriend. He was really something. Not that we were at all close to marriage, but he was just so incredible to me. Everytime I hear that song Home on Delilah, this is the lyric that gets me misty eyed everytime Now I know just why you couldnt come along with me.this was not your dream, but you always believed in me.
7. Speaking of my last boyfriend, I miss him terribly. Most days I go through the motions and focus on me, which is all fine and dandy, and then I get caught up in a moment or a memory, and it just takes my breath away. He text flirted with me last Tuesday and Wednesday, but I still have no idea when I will see him again. I am so lonely without him, and I have absolutely no desire to fill his position with anyone else. How pathetic am I?
8. I need sex. Its been almost three months. After going nearly a year with almost daily sexual activity, Im hurting. The weird thing is, I cant even really get off alone anymore. Once I do, I immediately get depressed. Again, pathetic.
9. I barely even look at the sets here anymore. Im on the quality vs. quantity bandwagon.
10. Just some random facts that you may or may not know, I
Am 24 years old
Am an accountant
Am in graduate school
Am 58
Have one brother that I used to get on with very well, but have sadly grown apart from.
Have one half brother that has held a sporadic place in my life, but I guess I should be grateful as Im the only family member that he makes a half hearted effort with.
Love animals, especially dogs.
Have a father with emphysema, and has been on disability since his late 40s. Hes died twice. Secretly, a part of me fears that he will not be around much longer while the other part would be relieved to see him out of pain. This is the reason that I DESPISE smoking, and will not date anyone that does so. Call me whatever you want, but you haven't seen how it has impacted my family dynamic.
Love my mother now, but it has not always been so. We had a very strained relationship until I moved out on my own at age 19.
Was very poor growing up. Food stamps and all. We used to think money was white.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Are you coming to Burlesque on Saturday? I dont know if I'm gonna be kicking it with the locals if you feel like some low-key-hanging out or whatever...
Anyway, re: waking up at 2:05 AM for quizzes -- it sucks but it's also masochistically fun in a loopy kind of way. Like the time I biked 10 miles to school on snow-covered icy roads because the car was an ice-stormed popsicle. That was also fun in a loopy kind of way, even though I fell down twice and barked my knees but good.
It's nice to do the unnecessarily hard things once in a while to appreciate how easy life can be the rest of the time. Having to do them always would be hellish. Never doing them at all, it's easy to forget they're out there.