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l1vingdeadgurl

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Member Since 2008

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Saturday Apr 23, 2011

Apr 23, 2011
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Name change. Really spelled Brnach, but SG doesn't allow those characters.
Hello boredom, hello ADHD, hello back to the drawing board.
This one will stick. It's what my estranged father wanted to name me. He said my eyes looked sad, they changed colors when I was angry. They have never changed.


Sometimes the dream and the desire for something are much more appealing than actually getting the thing that you think you want.



I can say honestly this blog will make no sense, because nothing does. I'm a believer in philosophy, more particularly solipsism.
Think the external world does not exist. Think your own mind is the only sure thing to exist. Think IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

So this is what exists in my head. Reality? Not yours. It's how it exists from my view, which in my belief is the only one.

My cycle of days which I can't decipher one from the next, consists of the sleepwalking syndrome, the in between of sleepless and wakefulness. I find myself places without remembering the method but never being scared to be there.
People only exist to take things, unknowingly sometimes, a parallel of projected thoughts.

They tell me He didn't exist, he was a figment of a overactive, unharnessed imagination. This is why my illnesses closely parallel his. Why everything changed when he died.

I contest they may not be real either.

This is my reality. This is all that exists.

radmonkey:
though I'm sorry you have to struggle with these numbing existential issues, I think writing about them helps elevate your friends' understanding as well as your own. I can see why your father said that about your eyes, I'd like to see them change sometime. You're a brave soul not to be scared to go to these places.
Apr 24, 2011
blackheartdown:
Ah, he had wise Irish insight. The eyes are the windows to the soul.
Apr 25, 2011

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