Hello boredom, hello ADHD, hello back to the drawing board.
This one will stick. It's what my estranged father wanted to name me. He said my eyes looked sad, they changed colors when I was angry. They have never changed.
Sometimes the dream and the desire for something are much more appealing than actually getting the thing that you think you want.
I can say honestly this blog will make no sense, because nothing does. I'm a believer in philosophy, more particularly solipsism.
Think the external world does not exist. Think your own mind is the only sure thing to exist. Think IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
So this is what exists in my head. Reality? Not yours. It's how it exists from my view, which in my belief is the only one.
My cycle of days which I can't decipher one from the next, consists of the sleepwalking syndrome, the in between of sleepless and wakefulness. I find myself places without remembering the method but never being scared to be there.
People only exist to take things, unknowingly sometimes, a parallel of projected thoughts.
They tell me He didn't exist, he was a figment of a overactive, unharnessed imagination. This is why my illnesses closely parallel his. Why everything changed when he died.
I contest they may not be real either.
This is my reality. This is all that exists.
