l1vingdeadgurl

I am tired. Tired of being the one to apologize, to compromise, to trade in my beliefs to keep the reverence of peace among us. 10 years is a long time and it has worn down my soul to the point of me not being me anymore. Who you know is not who you would have known 10 years ago. I am tired of being the bad one, the improper one and the immature one. I am tired of having my illness thrown in my face, as a point to prove I am not a good mother, not capable of raising my kids with any kind of values or goals in life. I am tired of being told to shut up and listen. I am tired of being told my opinions dont matter, because in the real world people dont care. Individuality is the road to failure I am told. Conformity will guarantee you a great job where you get to wear a suit and tie every day and have the white picket fence and cookie cutter house in suburbia. And your kids will grow up to be just like you. Perfect. If only I wasnt so difficult and free spirited I might have gone somewhere in life. Its wrong to teach my kids artistic expression, they can be as artistic as they want when they are adults and its TOO FUCKING LATE.
Does anyone care about being a kid anymore? To enjoy those precious few years that go by so fast without being subject to military rule? I have lost myself. I dont know what happened to my life..