l1vingdeadgurl

Ok second blog in as many days. What is wrong you ask? Well I am half drunk, half stoned and off my regular medication. So the idiotic vegtable that I normally am while I am on it, has broke free and decided we wanted to write a long winded blog about........friendships and relationships in general.
I for one, am incapable of keeping relationships, whether its because I have ADHD or because I just plain get sick of people getting in my face. I always seem to end up with men who want to rescue me, who want to parent me. I never had a fucking father and I sure as shit dont need one now. I will make my own way, as I always have and do what I need to as a person to become whole again. If that means sacrificing the things I once held dearly to my heart so be it. Its time to stop walking on eggshells around everyone, afraid that if I say something that comes out of my unfiltererd mouth they will rip my head off. One more relationship down the drain. It takes a really emotionally stable and strong man to be friends with me. Mostly because there are moments where I really dont care, where I wont remember your name 2 days down the road. Then there are moment that I can't stop crying over the biggest jerk in the world. Must be some attraction to assholes.

So I move on to phase 3 of my short life. It going to be the phase about me. I will care about no one else except my children, who will be taken care of. Everything I do will be because I want to do it. No more father figure telling me "mothers dont do that kind of thing". To them I say, "i suggest trying to take care of 3 kids on your own" its definately desereving of some sort of freedom. I leave this week. Its scary and exciting at the same time. I will come back a better person though, hopefully a whole person.

peace out everyone.