l1vingdeadgurl

" we have too many sounding words and too few actions that corrospond with them"

I am turning a new page in my life tomorrow. I am filled with fear, dread for the unknown and excitement all at once. Turning pages has proven very difficult in my life. I hang on to things too strongly, too deeply. My mental connections with people become complicated, on my end at least. I am hoping I can concentrate on this new adventure and forget the pain from past adventures. Most recently what happened between me and another member has been consuming my thoughts and my heart. I have been accused of being a liar, a cheater and crazy. All of which at certain times in my life are true. One thing I am not is malicious or cold hearted. I cared truly and deeply and it still hurts alot. Makes me think I should always mark my words before I say them. A problem I have had most of my life. I never think before i speak.

I am sick with bronchitis again.

I am having night terrors again. Last night I may have gotten 1 hour sleep at most. I dreamnt he was here, in my bed and complaining about his hands hurting. His hands were mangled like they had picked up a bomb and it exploded in his hands. It was so lucid and vivid I recalled it with such clarity in the morning. Scary.

Santa Clause Parade was today...



Thanks for the messages you guys are sending me. I just haven't had a chance to reply but I will. I have been trying to avoid this site for a little bit. Well to avoid him. I have to face up to it though even if it takes a while.