l1vingdeadgurl

Ok Epic Blog Time...

Me:
This will make perfect sense and no sense at all. I am a whirlwind of emotions, my life is in utter chaos and I sometimes I quite enjoy it. I enjoy the feelings of anger towards others, the feelings of wanting to hurt someone as I have been hurt, make them feel my pain. I enjoy hurting myself, I enjoy destroying what's good and "perfect" and make it my own personal black hole. I am an actress and don't believe any emotion I express is a true emotion, it is a survival skill, learned back in my childhood. Tell me you'll leave me and I'll cry, But deep down I don't know if I am crying because I care or because I know crying is the means of getting what I want. I never take NO for an answer, and have a tortured soul because of it. I believe deep down I am truly evil with a angelic mask. I am totally selfish and self centered. I can't forget my past, so much I am obsessed with it. It ruins my daily life. I want to go back to 16, I want to have my 20's back, I want to experience different and cool things. I don't know if I am capable of being IN love with someone. The idea of love and loving people is what impresses me. I'm a wreck, a downhill slope a beautiful disaster.