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l1vingdeadgurl

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Member Since 2008

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Friday Feb 06, 2009

Feb 6, 2009
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Ok Blog post #2 in single day... WTF????

Its happened. I have caved, I have gave up my resolve and the tears finally flowed. Its been a while but I welcome them back.......sort of. There is something that has been eating me up and it has been the only thing in a very... very long time that has even remotely bothered me. In the last year through all of my issues I have developed a que sera sera attitude about most everything.
I met someone last year, it was a random thing, a internet friendship with the hopes of going somewhere. A master and submitter, a student and teacher. I laughed at first at the foolishness of such a thing. How could I even think of being someones teacher?? Was I that old??? This internet friendship was sporadic at best and had more ups and downs than a roller coaster. We sent intense messages to each other, pictures and promises of meetings. We fought, we ignored each other for days and one of us would cave. We would start all over again.

He made me laugh and smile, he was silly and goofy and something I felt I needed. I was different and in control and dominant, something he wanted.
He found a relationship and I was happy, I had no intentions of long term anything. Nothing ever developed physically which I think is why I have this hold on me, something that just wont let go. I shake it for a couple days and then it floods back like the tears I shed as I write this stupid post.
How do you say you are sorry for being a fool? How do you say please don't forget me and I'll wait for you.
How do you say I was wrong for speaking out of turn, for assuming something so far fetched?
How do you say I wish we could have loved each other at the same time?? In a different time?

How............
lukki:
I'm so sorry you were hurt... maybe the best way to say it is exactly like you said it in your blog and then leave it at that. Sometime things are just out of your control but you have to allow yourself to really FEEL it so you can move on and learn from the experience. The more you allow yourself to work through the emotions the faster your heart will heal, so cry as much as you need to, and one day you'll realize that you aren't crying anymore and that it's just a sad distant memory (I speak from my own personal experience here). Tell him what you need to get off your chest and then look to the future. You are a strong, beautiful, woman!
Feb 6, 2009

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