kyusss

Anyone ever have one of those emo days where you have trouble remembering why you like yourself?

I'm having one of those days. I'm usually very optimistic and hopeful despite my past - and proud of being a fighter. Sometimes though, the doubt sets in and I feel shame and lacking in integrity. A fraud! A shell.

Maybe it's the fear of loneliness setting in or a pre-midlife crisis.

The older I get, the more I cling to life and the more it seems like it is not mine to claim a right to. The race is on to make an imprint, to leave something behind as proof that I wasn't a waste of air. Or is that need of mine a hopeless one, doomed to make me feel inadequate. You get the time that you get and you better have lived it well.

I hope it storms this afternoon.

I don't like feeling like this so I'm going to go have a shower and then maybe spend this afternoon writing and playing video games.

I sort of feel like kicking my emo arse, so here is a lol...