Okay so I know I haven't blogged in awhile on a regular basis (school and work and life) and sadly it has to be that my latest blog post is me hating on myself. Now why am I hating on myself you might ask? Well that's what this blog post is here to rant about. So I find writing blog posts on SG is super therapeutic for me for some reason but it does help to write stuff like this down somewhere. The story today is an event that happened last night that has me super pissed off at myself.
So (i know I say so a lot deal with it lol) last night we had a really sick Halloween party at this local attraction in town. Well there is this girl that works there as a cosplayer who also cosplays in her regular life and she always recognizes me and comes to talk to me all the time. She's a really cool chick whose super spunky, smart, fucking hot as hell, has fiery red hair, and loves the same shit I do and never thinks i'm a weirdo for cosplaying. Basically she's everything I want in a fucking chick and more and she'd be so at home here on SG. Well I finally told my fat ass I was going to go and just ask her out, take a leap and just ask her out and if I get rejected well then fuck it, plenty of fish right? See here is what my fat dumbass did. I chickened out.......LIKE I ALWAYS DO. I'm never super self conscious about myself at all and i'm a very confident person except when it comes to a girl who is a thousand times outta my league that I really like (so i would basically chicken out with every single girl here on SG lol). For me there is this wall I build in my head that says being single and wondering is better than trying, being rejected, and knowing she thinks you're too ugly for her. I'm pissed off because my entire life i've settled for girls I don't like or am not a good fit and have hurt these girls simply because I think I can't get the girl I really really want. I think I can't get the spunky, cute cosplayer who loves the same shit I do so instead I date the girl who isn't cute and thinks cosplay is stupid and i'm a loser for doing it. I'm pissed off because I want to change that but don't know how. Anyhow i've hit writer's block so i think i'm gonna end my blog post here. I appreciate all who managed to survive my dumb rant and actually made it this far lol.