Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

kyleomen

Philadelphia

Member Since 2005

Followers 94 Following 123

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Thursday Apr 14, 2005

Apr 14, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
"07 Apr 05

"Christians, huh? So forgive me." - Bill Hicks
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"
As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."
"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynards extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.
"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."

BMB"

I almost lost it when I heard that Maynard found jesus. I am happy to report that this is not the case.
sarahjane:
those damn alcoholic dinosaurs, no wonder they went extinct!
Apr 14, 2005

More Blogs

  • 10.14.06
    5

    Saturday Oct 14, 2006

    I would spill my guts out in this journal but that would be pointless…
  • 10.07.06
    16

    Saturday Oct 07, 2006

    I think it is time for a little update action. I got off work early b…
  • 09.19.06
    15

    Tuesday Sep 19, 2006

    Life is a complex mixture of extreme social situations and interactio…
  • 09.16.06
    12

    Saturday Sep 16, 2006

    ohhummeeoooahh. I love her. I have nothing else at the moment.
  • 09.07.06
    11

    Friday Sep 08, 2006

    I wish sleep wasn't necessary. Not sleeping tonight because I suck a…
  • 09.03.06
    11

    Monday Sep 04, 2006

    Goddamnmothafuckingmyspacebullshit. I had to. I just met a ton of …
  • 08.29.06
    31

    Tuesday Aug 29, 2006

    Soooooo, my mind is twenty different levels of chaotic. Somebody plea…
  • 08.28.06
    5

    Monday Aug 28, 2006

    Am I a flake or what. With my love gone for what seems like an ete…
  • 08.16.06
    19

    Wednesday Aug 16, 2006

    Fuckin noodles on my floor. DAMN YOU! I could let out a big WHAAAA…
  • 08.07.06
    19

    Monday Aug 07, 2006

    I have my hand on my cock. Everything is getting deeper and I love…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
19
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,228 followers
  • 14,946,099 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,456,705 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo