kyki

God. I am so sick. I feel like maybe I should make myself throw up to get this shit out of my stomach but I feel sick enough that it might not actually help. I hate being so nauseas.

My grandfather died last night. 7:45. You know it's weird that things that used to irritate you about someone become things you miss. I really don't want to go deal with the reality of it but I would hate myself if I didn't. I wish I could just cry or something but i have such a bad headache that I think I can't cry for a little bit. I cried in the shower this morning because they wouldn't give me the day off. My manager is great and only made me stay for an hour, I really shouldn't have even gone in, but it still was like 'why am I dealing with this bullshit that the company doesn't have enough employees to cover my shift when this is basically an emergency.' It's not like I"m just flaking out on work or something.

I don't have a return ticket I don't think because my friend (who has lung cancer and is also close to the end apparently) bought me a ticket to go there, I don't know if its return, because he and his wife are awesome. They are going through this stuff and still manage to think about others. They have a bit of money so it's not as though they will have to struggle to pay for his medicines or anything otherwise there is no way I would have accepted. I just hope the rest of his life is as good as possible.

OK. This is just me rambling. I should probably go lay down. I'll be in Virginia for however long. Probably need to quit my job. Probably need to figure out rent and everything. God I just don't need to think about anything else right now.