kye

I've got an interview at 3:30pm.

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I'm pretty drained today. Last night I lost it entirely. I stressed myself to the point of being sick.
Lately I'm falling apart a bit. I guess some of you may have noticed. The entries shift from hi highs, to lo lows. And pretty darn quickly too.

I don't know how to control or alter these beliefs I have about myself and my place in the world.

It's simple. I'm not good enough and I'm a failure.

Rational thinking (and 14 weeks of therapy) would prove that the above is bullshit. I just can't believe it. Just like I look in the mirror and can't see a change. Serious. 30kgs, and nothing. I see the same face staring back at me that I have always seen.
Sure, I feel different.... I just can't SEE it.
It's driving me mad. As is the self hating part. How can I hate myself this much?

So, the question is... How the hell do I change it?!?!?

This is a core belief. Although I know it is wrong, it is very real.

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it stormed last night. Our power went out and I spent what felt like a lifetime watching the lightning and listening to the rain on our tin roof.
Noisy as hell, but one of my favourite sounds in the world.