I've got an interview at 3:30pm.
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I'm pretty drained today. Last night I lost it entirely. I stressed myself to the point of being sick.
Lately I'm falling apart a bit. I guess some of you may have noticed. The entries shift from hi highs, to lo lows. And pretty darn quickly too.
I don't know how to control or alter these beliefs I have about myself and my place in the world.
It's simple. I'm not good enough and I'm a failure.
Rational thinking (and 14 weeks of therapy) would prove that the above is bullshit. I just can't believe it. Just like I look in the mirror and can't see a change. Serious. 30kgs, and nothing. I see the same face staring back at me that I have always seen.
Sure, I feel different.... I just can't SEE it.
It's driving me mad. As is the self hating part. How can I hate myself this much?
So, the question is... How the hell do I change it?!?!?
This is a core belief. Although I know it is wrong, it is very real.
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it stormed last night. Our power went out and I spent what felt like a lifetime watching the lightning and listening to the rain on our tin roof.
Noisy as hell, but one of my favourite sounds in the world.
------------------------------------------------------------
I'm pretty drained today. Last night I lost it entirely. I stressed myself to the point of being sick.
Lately I'm falling apart a bit. I guess some of you may have noticed. The entries shift from hi highs, to lo lows. And pretty darn quickly too.
I don't know how to control or alter these beliefs I have about myself and my place in the world.
It's simple. I'm not good enough and I'm a failure.
Rational thinking (and 14 weeks of therapy) would prove that the above is bullshit. I just can't believe it. Just like I look in the mirror and can't see a change. Serious. 30kgs, and nothing. I see the same face staring back at me that I have always seen.
Sure, I feel different.... I just can't SEE it.
It's driving me mad. As is the self hating part. How can I hate myself this much?
So, the question is... How the hell do I change it?!?!?
This is a core belief. Although I know it is wrong, it is very real.
------------------------------------------------------------
it stormed last night. Our power went out and I spent what felt like a lifetime watching the lightning and listening to the rain on our tin roof.
Noisy as hell, but one of my favourite sounds in the world.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
how did it go???????????????????????
i am so out of the loop, sorry i havent been on for ages!
hope you are ok!
Id gladly introduce you to my sister just so its not only me going off at her.
I need a job. I need to be skinny so then I can go get inked as well as have a holiday after a while of working