If I could change the way I am, I would. I'm sure there's plenty of stuff we all want to change but can't. Like our lives were decided before we were even born.
I can't help that I grew up the way I did and ended up the way I am. I wish I could be different but I can't. I don't try very hard, but that's part of who I am. I just have no desire to do anything because I don't have any reason to.
My mom was super shy. I didn't have much contact with people, and the people I did have contact with were extremely bad influences.
I wish I had a little foundation to build my life on. But, it is what it is. I have nothing to show for in my life and I don't see it changing anytime soon.
I briefly changed when someone briefly showed interest in me in real life. Even though I only saw the person for less than a day, it encouraged me to get a job and try and better myself just in case I ever saw her again. Which I probably won't because I was all shy and boring and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do once I finally got alone with a girl.
I mean, where do people learn this stuff. I'm 34!
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So I was in chat watching people type, and I was thinking, the way I always think, about things in my past that still affect me today. Like not having a dad, or decent friends.
But I think often about my teeth, and how preoccupied people are with teeth and how poorly judged I am because of how ugly and rotten my teeth are.
Well I didn't know. If I did I would have tried harder to get nice teeth. Nobody ever explained this basic truth to me and I guess I was never that superficial growing up. But how different my life would have been if I could have just been able to smile like a normal person and not have people stare at my teeth the whole time.
Oh well, that's life. Now that I realize how important they are, I've spiraled my life down to the point that they might never get fixed. And to be honest, they are so bad that maybe only dentures might work.
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It's like, I've only been able to talk to a few females in real life. I'm talking my entire life, I've only talked to a few females.
Sure I'm scared, but they are just as scared or more scared.
Because I have so few encounters with women, I have no idea what to do. Nobody ever showed me how and I was never around anyone who had any game. Or if they did, they only tried their hardest to fuck me up and not help me.
I am the shyest person, and I just have no idea how to talk to people. Sometimes when I try they just completely ignore me. I'm not talking chat but in real life. They will just pretend I'm not there.
It's really a bad feeling to have people ignore you in real life when you are trying to talk to them. They just want you to go away.
So why would I try and talk to anyone.
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It's strange how people change and act different to different people. I always tried to act the same to everyone.
I guess some days I can't help but be stupid. So after that I can understand people treating me different. Oh well, thats life. What can I do but wait to die.
I don't think I was ever given a chance at a normal life. I never learned what normal people are like.
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I used to be different. After a while I changed. I went nutz. I dont trust anybody, and for good reason. I wish I was different. I wish I could forget everything in the past and treat each day new.
But believe me I tried, and it always ended up the same way...
I can't help that I grew up the way I did and ended up the way I am. I wish I could be different but I can't. I don't try very hard, but that's part of who I am. I just have no desire to do anything because I don't have any reason to.
My mom was super shy. I didn't have much contact with people, and the people I did have contact with were extremely bad influences.
I wish I had a little foundation to build my life on. But, it is what it is. I have nothing to show for in my life and I don't see it changing anytime soon.
I briefly changed when someone briefly showed interest in me in real life. Even though I only saw the person for less than a day, it encouraged me to get a job and try and better myself just in case I ever saw her again. Which I probably won't because I was all shy and boring and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do once I finally got alone with a girl.
I mean, where do people learn this stuff. I'm 34!
---------
So I was in chat watching people type, and I was thinking, the way I always think, about things in my past that still affect me today. Like not having a dad, or decent friends.
But I think often about my teeth, and how preoccupied people are with teeth and how poorly judged I am because of how ugly and rotten my teeth are.
Well I didn't know. If I did I would have tried harder to get nice teeth. Nobody ever explained this basic truth to me and I guess I was never that superficial growing up. But how different my life would have been if I could have just been able to smile like a normal person and not have people stare at my teeth the whole time.
Oh well, that's life. Now that I realize how important they are, I've spiraled my life down to the point that they might never get fixed. And to be honest, they are so bad that maybe only dentures might work.
---
It's like, I've only been able to talk to a few females in real life. I'm talking my entire life, I've only talked to a few females.
Sure I'm scared, but they are just as scared or more scared.
Because I have so few encounters with women, I have no idea what to do. Nobody ever showed me how and I was never around anyone who had any game. Or if they did, they only tried their hardest to fuck me up and not help me.
I am the shyest person, and I just have no idea how to talk to people. Sometimes when I try they just completely ignore me. I'm not talking chat but in real life. They will just pretend I'm not there.
It's really a bad feeling to have people ignore you in real life when you are trying to talk to them. They just want you to go away.
So why would I try and talk to anyone.
------
It's strange how people change and act different to different people. I always tried to act the same to everyone.
I guess some days I can't help but be stupid. So after that I can understand people treating me different. Oh well, thats life. What can I do but wait to die.
I don't think I was ever given a chance at a normal life. I never learned what normal people are like.
--
I used to be different. After a while I changed. I went nutz. I dont trust anybody, and for good reason. I wish I was different. I wish I could forget everything in the past and treat each day new.
But believe me I tried, and it always ended up the same way...