kung_fu_tattoo

So I've had a rough couple of days again. I'm not going into all of the dreary details like last time, I'm just not in a bitchy mood like before. The long and the short of it is that one of my childhood friends died the day before yesterday. He was the son of my mom's best friend, and I've known him since I was a kid. His mom just came in from work and found him dead on the couch. At first she thought he was sleeping, but then she saw that his eyes were open. When she tried to wake him up, he was already stiff. I suddenly feel abit lost on everything. The same day I was told(yesterday) a friend asked me to watch a movie "Equalibrium" with him. The basic premise is living in a world without emotions. I feel so...blank right now. Not numb(although I probably am), just blank. Almost nothing. I'm a big fan of the Zen school of Buddhist thought. I love the concept of emptiness. Not cutting ourselves off from emotion; but experiencing everything, good and bad. And just lettting it go. It all affects us, we are different people from minute to minute. Take water, then add tea, then add sugar, or what ever. Now, I want to feel, and for some reason can't. I've lost people very close to me before, but this seems so foriegn to me. And yet life goes on, second by second; in the illusion of time. Believing that everything no matter how mundane matters, in a world that still somehow an illusion. Nothing we touch has any permanance.