Contrived social lives are starting to annoy me. Really annoy me.
Do you have a million friends? How many people do you consider to really be your friend? Do you ever spend time alone? Do you ever spend time with just one friend, just watching a movie on a Saturday night instead of going out with a huge group of people? Do you really know...
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Do you have a million friends? How many people do you consider to really be your friend? Do you ever spend time alone? Do you ever spend time with just one friend, just watching a movie on a Saturday night instead of going out with a huge group of people? Do you really know...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
Fuzzy softness.
Tiny paws.
Little purrings.
WATERMELON TRUCKSTOP IS HERE!!
Baby boy kitten is asleep in my lap right now, little head resting on little crossed paws after a yummy dinner of milk in a dropper from his new mommy. (that's me, fool)
Oh my god, the sweetness of a new kitten friend is going to do me a world of good.
I saw something...
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Tiny paws.
Little purrings.
WATERMELON TRUCKSTOP IS HERE!!
Baby boy kitten is asleep in my lap right now, little head resting on little crossed paws after a yummy dinner of milk in a dropper from his new mommy. (that's me, fool)
Oh my god, the sweetness of a new kitten friend is going to do me a world of good.
I saw something...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
demigauge:
hey i think i saw you at sinferno..not sure...but i think you stood next to me for a second talking to someone and then moved on...i was ganna say something but i didn't...next time i guess
merf
merf
amitabha:
kitty!!!!
you must post pictures of the new kitty.
you must post pictures of the new kitty.
Camping was bad ass. Totally II is INCREDIBLE, can you dig it?
Why do boys Dilly Dally?
Me and Lux make a good team. I think she's neat-o, she thinks I'm neat-o.
It's a match made in hell.
Why do boys Dilly Dally?
Me and Lux make a good team. I think she's neat-o, she thinks I'm neat-o.
It's a match made in hell.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
amitabha:
totally!
bleh:
its tolerable at this point.. my situation that is.. i'm gone more than half the time anyway.. but the plan is to save my money and buy a 2 apartment house.. then i can rent one half to them, have the other half all to myself, and still have someone i trust to keep an eye on the property while i'm at work or out of town travelling..
congrats on the kitty
congrats on the kitty
Dreams are funny things. UFO lights at night in a tent, and yet i wake up and feel so disoriented I'm not sure if it was a dream or if I'm actually in the woods already/again. The last time I went camping it was strange. Late at night after all of our friends had gone to bed, me and this girl lay in a tent...
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Can you dig it?
In about 18 hours my little space ship will be landing in the woods for some wonderful camping with my counter part, Miss Wood Nymph DeLux..
We are going to make the coolest, most Totally Total movie ever!
P.S. I looooove hot boys in suits. The mere thought actually got me through the work day today.
In about 18 hours my little space ship will be landing in the woods for some wonderful camping with my counter part, Miss Wood Nymph DeLux..
We are going to make the coolest, most Totally Total movie ever!
P.S. I looooove hot boys in suits. The mere thought actually got me through the work day today.
jaime:
you're new crush seems more interesting than the others. I say, go for it.
going to visit Shirley (Mother Nature) should mellow me out. We'll have soooo much fun!
going to visit Shirley (Mother Nature) should mellow me out. We'll have soooo much fun!
bleh:
sweet.. have a good time in the woods...
So my brother died just over two months ago. A month to the day we found out my step dad has lung cancer. We haven't really known what was up with that; it's been a bit of a wait on tests and things that are being done. The initial outlook was grim, but in the last month things have started to sound better than we...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
razor13:
i tried to call and it was late so i will call tomorrow afternoon and i hope i get to hear you...it has been too long.....
hyenahell:
i wish i had comfort to offer. but i haven't quite come to terms with death and dying myself. just know that you'll be in my thoughts.
i go to school at Tulane in new orleans. i'm a b.f.a. candidate with a focus in printmaking, but the last couple years i've gotten more into sculpture. for my thesis show i am going to make a series of altars and print little cards to go with them, that people can take. like saint cards, if you ever had those growing up. it's a decent school- expensive, though. my scholarship only covers a little over half of tuition. and i've gotten really sick of it lately, all the bullshit over money and the kids that, unlike me, won't be paying off loans until they're forty because mommy and daddy have money enough. but still, even as disillusioned as i am about higher education, it was the best decision i've ever made- to go to tulane and pay for it for the next twenty years rather than excepting a full ride to a state school in kentucky. if i'd have done that, i'd be dead by now.
i go to school at Tulane in new orleans. i'm a b.f.a. candidate with a focus in printmaking, but the last couple years i've gotten more into sculpture. for my thesis show i am going to make a series of altars and print little cards to go with them, that people can take. like saint cards, if you ever had those growing up. it's a decent school- expensive, though. my scholarship only covers a little over half of tuition. and i've gotten really sick of it lately, all the bullshit over money and the kids that, unlike me, won't be paying off loans until they're forty because mommy and daddy have money enough. but still, even as disillusioned as i am about higher education, it was the best decision i've ever made- to go to tulane and pay for it for the next twenty years rather than excepting a full ride to a state school in kentucky. if i'd have done that, i'd be dead by now.
Reoccuring theme #1: why am I so damn happy lately? It's starting to feel as if maybe, just maybe, a 28 year long habit/mental condition of dwelling on bullshit that depresses me and that I can't change has just up and gone away. For some reason I can snap back from saddness just about as quick as I move into it.
Reoccuring theme #2:I hate...
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Reoccuring theme #2:I hate...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
razor13:
technology is failing me...and so are my hastely formed alliances...i want to come back to p-town and eat more sausages...
jaime:
you're so damn sweet 'cause you really don't want me to move away. it would be so groovy if everyone I cared about lived in the same city. you know you'll be missed just the same.
In the midst of all of this hundred degree weather, it was kind of cold today. There was a bit of rain when I was at work and it was great. I work in a big warehouse type place and I'm in the back of a department right by a big bay door that opens up and looks out across the river and the mountains....
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junker:
hey
ouch on that clothespin thing,although the sexiest picture your face looks extra enchanting in a little devil way.i could really see your inplant in the german dress one,is that the stainless?it looks fuckn huge!
ouch on that clothespin thing,although the sexiest picture your face looks extra enchanting in a little devil way.i could really see your inplant in the german dress one,is that the stainless?it looks fuckn huge!
jaime:
you're so damn sweet!
Please, feel free to write about anything you feel will be suitable for the magazine. I like your ideas and the writings you've read to me.
I'm listening to Soft Cell. Marc Almond brings tears to my eyes...he's like the male Olivia! Say Hello, Wave Goodbye has got to be one ov the most depressing songs I've ever heard.
[Edited on Aug 06, 2003]
Please, feel free to write about anything you feel will be suitable for the magazine. I like your ideas and the writings you've read to me.
I'm listening to Soft Cell. Marc Almond brings tears to my eyes...he's like the male Olivia! Say Hello, Wave Goodbye has got to be one ov the most depressing songs I've ever heard.
[Edited on Aug 06, 2003]
You know what I hate more than people who fuck with me?? People who fuck with my friends. I know they will get what is coming to them, but there are two fuck heads in this town right now that if I was bigger I would enjoy going and breaking their noses.
I HATE SKINHEADS AND THEIR STUPID ASS IGNORANT FRIENDS.
P.S.
This boy kicks...
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I HATE SKINHEADS AND THEIR STUPID ASS IGNORANT FRIENDS.
P.S.
This boy kicks...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
razor13:
skinheads seem to hate me too...i miss our talks...i feel a lil' scattered and i can't ever seem to get to a computer or a phone....sometimes my pit gets too deep...
junker:
wow wow wow
the pictures are ssoooo nice
tod
the pictures are ssoooo nice
tod
Well moving right along in the spirit of my last journal entry, the last of the three things I really want to be doing sounds like it could happen soon too.
I went out with some friends last night to Karaoke and it was soooooooooo fun. Got to sing Summer Nights, as well as Magic with Lux as her first time karaoke-ing. It was very...
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I went out with some friends last night to Karaoke and it was soooooooooo fun. Got to sing Summer Nights, as well as Magic with Lux as her first time karaoke-ing. It was very...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hyenahell:
i reek of... dogs; cigarette smoke; failure.
scarrified: both intentionally/unintentionally... a lot of the unintentional scars are from metal working or casting, but some are from dumb, reckless shit. the intentional ones are either ritual or left over from a shaky emotional period... i get asked a lot if i don't want to treat them or go to a cosmetic surgeon and i just laugh. they're all reminders, almost like tattoos, of events both good and bad. i'd never get rid of them. i am looking at a scarification process using a tattoo gun to etch into the skin- i've seen pictures, i yields a very beautiful, precise line. i am working on designs for that, but none as of yet...
and...
i would love to see you in a blondie cover band!
scarrified: both intentionally/unintentionally... a lot of the unintentional scars are from metal working or casting, but some are from dumb, reckless shit. the intentional ones are either ritual or left over from a shaky emotional period... i get asked a lot if i don't want to treat them or go to a cosmetic surgeon and i just laugh. they're all reminders, almost like tattoos, of events both good and bad. i'd never get rid of them. i am looking at a scarification process using a tattoo gun to etch into the skin- i've seen pictures, i yields a very beautiful, precise line. i am working on designs for that, but none as of yet...
and...
i would love to see you in a blondie cover band!
vastad:
I wish you the best in your singing. I'd personally like to go to a voice trainer. Ever since I was young, my Dad who doesn't have a singing voice assumed that I didn't either and has always asked me if I could sing and...to please him I guess at that young age...I agreed. SO what I've carried around is an assumption.
The truth is I DON'T know if I can sing because I've never tried. It is time to believe nothing, assume nothing and give it a try.
Keep me updated on your singing. It's encouraging for my own development.
***
RE: Live Everywhere
I've been a few places yes. I am lucky. In many ways and the more I mature, grow up, metamorphose from child to adult, the more gifts I recognise I Have.
But from my own experience, it's one thing to have been somewhere and another to have been somewhere. Catch my meaning? It is no one's fault but my own, never really understanding the enlightenment maxim of "being in the moment". I have a better idea now and sometimes I'm not asleep as I usually am.
***
Re: Taking opinions personally
I'm still not past that little human/perceptual flaw. I guess I still believe that the 'truth' in someone else's head is as important as my own. Hence I have that urge to correct it in others.
The practical maxim of "fuck what others think of you" still misses my mark.
If Jim were to write something negative about me, I would likely be hurt, take it seriously and dislike Jim and it would be a challenge to accept that in the end....it's just an opinion and has only circumstantial effect on my life and reality.
Sometimes what people say hits a button. The most recent example was when a friend told me she thought my going to University to study Cybernetics was the wrong decision, that I should be 'growing up and building a career at my age'. That angered me and hurt me because I felt she greatly overstepped a line in the sand somewhere, and was greatly assumptive about knowing what was best for me. But she never backed down from that opinion and defended it. I had to grudgingly admire that she didn't change her opinion or whitewash simply to appeal to me. In the end, what's in her head can't affect me. It STILL bugs me that it's there but there IS something I can do about it.
I can prove her wrong.
***
Yes. Get Cosmic Trigger. Then 'Prometheus Rising' also by R.A.W.
***
RE: Jealousy
My sun sign and many other portents gently agree that I am the jealous type. I am. But I work on it.
This is related laterally to what I talked about above about opinions in people's heads. It's - I think - a human need to be special in someone else's universe above all others. I guess it comfirms love and confirms that 'I' exist. Something along those lines, it's hard to nail down in words. An error in believing that love is a finite resource...which in a way it is because of the way the average Jane and Joe handle it.
I suppose the ideal is that if you know how to love yourself, then you have no fear and therefore no jealousy. I think....
I still see the pursuit of human affection in terms of winning and losing....a war. When I win, I'm happy, when I lose, I'm sad. This I think is probably the wrong way to look at it.
There is in general, far too much sadness and melancholy in my experiences and approach to love and affection. This I need to change. I have courage to accept that it will hurt and that it will be worth it, because the odds are, beyond that hurt is what I thought I could never have.
***
Bah! What a mess my thoughts are in...
***
I apologise for the long post....you got me thinking...plus this movie I just saw...
The truth is I DON'T know if I can sing because I've never tried. It is time to believe nothing, assume nothing and give it a try.
Keep me updated on your singing. It's encouraging for my own development.
***
RE: Live Everywhere
I've been a few places yes. I am lucky. In many ways and the more I mature, grow up, metamorphose from child to adult, the more gifts I recognise I Have.
But from my own experience, it's one thing to have been somewhere and another to have been somewhere. Catch my meaning? It is no one's fault but my own, never really understanding the enlightenment maxim of "being in the moment". I have a better idea now and sometimes I'm not asleep as I usually am.
***
Re: Taking opinions personally
I'm still not past that little human/perceptual flaw. I guess I still believe that the 'truth' in someone else's head is as important as my own. Hence I have that urge to correct it in others.
The practical maxim of "fuck what others think of you" still misses my mark.
If Jim were to write something negative about me, I would likely be hurt, take it seriously and dislike Jim and it would be a challenge to accept that in the end....it's just an opinion and has only circumstantial effect on my life and reality.
Sometimes what people say hits a button. The most recent example was when a friend told me she thought my going to University to study Cybernetics was the wrong decision, that I should be 'growing up and building a career at my age'. That angered me and hurt me because I felt she greatly overstepped a line in the sand somewhere, and was greatly assumptive about knowing what was best for me. But she never backed down from that opinion and defended it. I had to grudgingly admire that she didn't change her opinion or whitewash simply to appeal to me. In the end, what's in her head can't affect me. It STILL bugs me that it's there but there IS something I can do about it.
I can prove her wrong.
***
Yes. Get Cosmic Trigger. Then 'Prometheus Rising' also by R.A.W.
***
RE: Jealousy
My sun sign and many other portents gently agree that I am the jealous type. I am. But I work on it.
This is related laterally to what I talked about above about opinions in people's heads. It's - I think - a human need to be special in someone else's universe above all others. I guess it comfirms love and confirms that 'I' exist. Something along those lines, it's hard to nail down in words. An error in believing that love is a finite resource...which in a way it is because of the way the average Jane and Joe handle it.
I suppose the ideal is that if you know how to love yourself, then you have no fear and therefore no jealousy. I think....
I still see the pursuit of human affection in terms of winning and losing....a war. When I win, I'm happy, when I lose, I'm sad. This I think is probably the wrong way to look at it.
There is in general, far too much sadness and melancholy in my experiences and approach to love and affection. This I need to change. I have courage to accept that it will hurt and that it will be worth it, because the odds are, beyond that hurt is what I thought I could never have.
***
Bah! What a mess my thoughts are in...
***
I apologise for the long post....you got me thinking...plus this movie I just saw...
I have alot of acquaintences.. but i only consider two or three people to really be my friends.. but i define that by people I trust, that trust me, and that I know i can rely on for anything. If i needed them to fly across the country, they would do it it, and i'd do the same.
I like large social gatherings at times, cause it can be fun, and thats how you potentially get to meet new people that could be another real friend.. but more often its just hanging out and being a dork.
BFF!
so im not sure wether to be happy, sad, or sarcastic.