kudra

There was this girl who would sometimes lay down to bed with a smile on her face and within minutes a tear or two or many would slide down her face. Been like that for a while, she coudln't tell if it was just gravity pulling them out or if she was crazy.
A smile on her face is she really happy or has she just convinced her self to be. Crazy girl can't even tell if she is really happy or not! She thinks she is, but she actually doubts it.
Sits back and watches all of the people but her vision is fucked up becuase of all of the black tar dripping and oozing all over the inside of her body. There's a blender in her skull stirring it up and a spinner from a child's board game depicts everyone she sees so she trys to focus on what is wrong but eventually just tosses it aside because she knows in her heart it's really just
YOU, YOU, YOU
every single one of them making her black and rotten they are rubbing off and it's so hard sometimes to convince yourself that you feel like brownie batter instead of thick chunky tar. Sure, go ahead and keep telling yourself that.
Salt dried on her puffy little cheeks she finally starts to fall asleep but has this lucid dream/prophecy/memory. Just a little girl in the third grade and her vision was so much keener even then; she had a fantasy that she still thinks of sometimes and cracks a smile. Like the 'Round Up' ride at the fair, she creates a giant circular device that goes all the way around the world, and she rounds up everyone. Everyone gets strapped in for the ride of their life. She pictures them with salt water lapping at their feet as they wait their turn out in the ocean. This is a slow process, and she is only one little girl. Just because she can see everything and is the only one fit to do this job doesn't take away from the fact that she is still only at the TENDER AGE OF SEVEN. Just a baby yet smart enough to know that everything is up to her.
So slowly they all come and one by one she has to pick if they live or die. She knows where the world is going and she only wants the best of the best. You had to be smart. You had to have something to really offer. You had to make things beautiful. You could never have been mean to her and she could have never seem you be mean to someone else. You couldn't care about the surface. And you were fucked if you mocked her because she was just a baby.
I remember watching her eyes squeeze shut and her head turned away trying to steady the gun she could hardly even lift. Each time she fell back on her ass and little tears would flow. She didn't actually enjoy this part....but she knew what she had to do. What a fucking responsibility for a little kid. No wonder she's such a mess now.

And P.S. I'm gonna share some real tender memories with y'all. Go check out my pic's thing....watch out if you are squeamish. I said I like blood, and I meant it.