kudra

He died; my brother is dead. He died Sunday night around eight. He had a leather neclace on with a silver something or other, and as he was literally dying my step dad took it off of his neck with the intention of giving it to me. I get some of his ashes too. I think I am going to get them put into a steel implant and put in my other forearm. Anyways........last night I saw him in dream land.....about eight years ago......very healthy despite the cancer and shooting meth. He chugged along for a good long while. He was wearing the necklace and it looked as new as he did. He wouldn't look me in the eye, but just kept rubbing the necklace and told me not to worry it would be mine soon.

I am writing this for my own sanity--I just can't keep thoughts like this on paper anymore. This is for me, not you.
I'm going home in 10 days for the visit that was supposed to be with him; I'm skipping the funeral and all that so I can just og hang out with my mom and step dad. I don't want to shake a million hands and hear how sorry everyone is for us, because I am not. He got what he wanted.
Being a meth junkie is a really glamourous lifestyle, let me tell you.