krys_____

My car is broken down and I don't even care, I'm running on about 12 hour sleep for the past three days now, and I haven't done anything else I was supposed to do the last three days... what can I say, I have been consumed by her.

Kim is this very strong woman.. she has been through many, many, many things in life ranging from personal tragedies to a slew (dear gods.. I am not kidding when I say slew either!) of health issues. And yet, she has an inner strength to her that radiates from her, it is so palpable that it takes my breath away. I have never known anyone so strong, and in her presence I feel like I have nothing even to compare...I feel so weak. She makes me want to be more than I am, and yet I feel that I am enough for her.

I am completely astounded by her. She has this way of looking at me and I know that she is seeing into me, through me, and knows everything I am or will ever be. When she holds me I am utterly defenseless, and I'm not used to that when it comes to women, and I like to feel that sense of floating, that sense that the molecules in my body are disintegrating into her, and that every fiber of her being is filling me up in concert. I can still feel her after she's no longer there, smell her... almost taste her, she makes all of my senses overload, and my head just won't let me stop thinking about her. My head is full of her... and it's only been a few days.

I try not to subscribe to romantic dribble, because it is not something that I believe can necessarily happen, but there was a moment when she looked at me, and I could almost hear her thoughts. And this was immeadiately, the connection was that strong from the first encounter. I have only seen her three times since, but everytime I am overcome by it, it's so fucking intense. I lose all sense of time, matter, space, and reality when I am with her, and that is something I could get addicted to so easily, that sense of release and weightlessness.

I am prolonging the moment when I first touch her until after I paint her, I want that to be the embarking of everything, I want to have that moment honoured and cherished. Imagine my delight and astonishment to know that she feels the same way. Here we were, kissing and petting each oher, completely commingled even down to our breathing, and we could stop the moment of intimacy just by thinking of how much stronger it's going to be after the painting is complete...believe me, she does things to me physically like you would not believe, I get so fucking aroused when I am with her, and not just by the caressing... just by her, by her sharing her thoughts with me, I just want to melt into her...but I am being a good girl, because I want to capture something about that moment and that intensity and that experience in the only method I can, which is to paint it.

Of course, the results will be shared, I can't keep them to myself. I'm painting her this weekend.

I'm going to go now, real life calls me, and I have to find someone to help me get my car to a magic fix it person...heh... trifles...

Everyone, say hi to Kim. I share this journal with her, she likes to know my thoughts and hopefully (ha ha) this won't scare her away... I don't know that it's possible... But yeah, the one thing you can all do for me today that would really make me happy is to give her a hello in my comments and tell her anything you want, about me if you want, about whatever... she is already made an impact in my life that is monumental, and I think many of you know that better than anyone at this point.



P.S. I absolutely love it when she bites her bottom lip. It's almost an unconscious gesture, but when she does it her eyes turn to liquid, and it is something that I find so sexy and tantalizing...when she does that I find it hard to hold back.