*shudder*
I was just woken out of sleep by my friend who needs car help... but man, am I happy to not be dreaming what I was any longer.
I was reliving an experience that happened to me while I was 19. I need to get it here so that I can let it go for the day...or it will haunt me.
When I was 19 I used to hang out with all of my high school friends still, many who were younger than me... the one friend, N, whom the story really relates was 15, the youngest in our brood. During this time we all went through some...disturbing experience... I won't go into that, but suffice it to say that at the height of our weirdness this happened.
My friend was starting to develop what I can only presume was multiple personality disorder. Depends on what you believe it was... B thought she was possessed. *shrugs*...christians...
We were driving to one of the lakes in our town, just to be able to stand out on the beach, several cars in tow. N was in another car, the one in front, which slammed on the breaks and my friend B got out and I heard screaming from inside. N was banging her head against the glass and making an ungodly sound that will not ever leave my head. I parked got out, and with B's help wrestled N to the ground. I watched as she screamed, thrashing about on the sand. Within 2 minutes over 6 personalities had emerged and taunted, sobbed hysterically, and mocked us. I remember watching her crack her head into the building she had dropped down behind, so I straddled her, grabbed the back of her head to maintain her position, and just held her, trying to coerce N back to herself. She ranted, she raved, she flailed against me, punched me when she could, kicked me in my leg, my theighs, anywhere she could. She smacked me with her head at one point, trying to bite me, B and D had to hold her arms down while I stared down at this poor creature who was one of my best friends. I didn't know what to do... I just remember trying to soothe her, trying to plead with her, screaming obscenities at her, weeping over her... Was this the same girl who I had gone through so much with? I remember sitting with her in my car as she told me she had a crush on me... I remember sneaking her out of her room in the middle of the night to walk down to the lake and wade in the summertime. I remember that she had hurt me once, but that hurt was something that served me well in the end... and here she was, suppressed under several dozen personas... and with every change I swear on my life her eyes changed... dulling, clarifying, intensifying, languishing, it was so hard to watch...
I just held her and stared into her ever changing eyes and begged her to come back to me.
It took maybe and hour to bring N through... she was exhausted, I was too... and that entire hour, every word I said, every thing she said, every grimace, every sob, every movement is burned forever in my head and once in a while resurfaces, as it did in my dream... N was moderated for a long time after this... even though it was never proven to be an actual MPD event... the doctors chalked it up as stress... put her in therapy, and let her live her life. Whether anything resurfaced, I'm not sure... I have since lost contact with her... But every once in a while I think of that face I stared into while she suffered and cringe... When my friend called me this morning she was concerned... because I was sniffling a bit from the memory... dammit, why can't I get it out of my head?
*shudders*
So ends another session of wasting time in Krys' head. Thanks for letting me get it out... it won't have any power over me today.
Questions:
1. Any dreams for you last night? Good or bad?
2. Any memories you have a hard time letting go? What helps? Care to share? (being nosy)...
3. Share one random fact please... about yourself or otherwise.
I was just woken out of sleep by my friend who needs car help... but man, am I happy to not be dreaming what I was any longer.
I was reliving an experience that happened to me while I was 19. I need to get it here so that I can let it go for the day...or it will haunt me.
When I was 19 I used to hang out with all of my high school friends still, many who were younger than me... the one friend, N, whom the story really relates was 15, the youngest in our brood. During this time we all went through some...disturbing experience... I won't go into that, but suffice it to say that at the height of our weirdness this happened.
My friend was starting to develop what I can only presume was multiple personality disorder. Depends on what you believe it was... B thought she was possessed. *shrugs*...christians...
We were driving to one of the lakes in our town, just to be able to stand out on the beach, several cars in tow. N was in another car, the one in front, which slammed on the breaks and my friend B got out and I heard screaming from inside. N was banging her head against the glass and making an ungodly sound that will not ever leave my head. I parked got out, and with B's help wrestled N to the ground. I watched as she screamed, thrashing about on the sand. Within 2 minutes over 6 personalities had emerged and taunted, sobbed hysterically, and mocked us. I remember watching her crack her head into the building she had dropped down behind, so I straddled her, grabbed the back of her head to maintain her position, and just held her, trying to coerce N back to herself. She ranted, she raved, she flailed against me, punched me when she could, kicked me in my leg, my theighs, anywhere she could. She smacked me with her head at one point, trying to bite me, B and D had to hold her arms down while I stared down at this poor creature who was one of my best friends. I didn't know what to do... I just remember trying to soothe her, trying to plead with her, screaming obscenities at her, weeping over her... Was this the same girl who I had gone through so much with? I remember sitting with her in my car as she told me she had a crush on me... I remember sneaking her out of her room in the middle of the night to walk down to the lake and wade in the summertime. I remember that she had hurt me once, but that hurt was something that served me well in the end... and here she was, suppressed under several dozen personas... and with every change I swear on my life her eyes changed... dulling, clarifying, intensifying, languishing, it was so hard to watch...
I just held her and stared into her ever changing eyes and begged her to come back to me.
It took maybe and hour to bring N through... she was exhausted, I was too... and that entire hour, every word I said, every thing she said, every grimace, every sob, every movement is burned forever in my head and once in a while resurfaces, as it did in my dream... N was moderated for a long time after this... even though it was never proven to be an actual MPD event... the doctors chalked it up as stress... put her in therapy, and let her live her life. Whether anything resurfaced, I'm not sure... I have since lost contact with her... But every once in a while I think of that face I stared into while she suffered and cringe... When my friend called me this morning she was concerned... because I was sniffling a bit from the memory... dammit, why can't I get it out of my head?
*shudders*
So ends another session of wasting time in Krys' head. Thanks for letting me get it out... it won't have any power over me today.
Questions:
1. Any dreams for you last night? Good or bad?
2. Any memories you have a hard time letting go? What helps? Care to share? (being nosy)...
3. Share one random fact please... about yourself or otherwise.
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I have a really hard time letting go of this one time my English 101 teacher embarassed me in front of the class. I'm not embarassed easily but she was just evil and I hate her...
A random fact - I need to brush my teeth.