kronos

Where did I go wrong? I can name at least 5 times. I am *such* an idiot sometimes.

I'm always the person that messes everything up.
I'm always the person who makes a mess out of everything.
And then tries to clean it up as neat as possible. I might even put a bow on top of that bitch.
I'm always the person that no one knows, but everyone knows.
The most known Unknown.
But I'm also always THAT person.
The person that doesn't realize they have something in front of them until either it a.) smacks them in the face or b.) is gone.
That sucks.
This sucks.
I suck.
UGH.

This is ridiculous. Everything in me just says "Call him." And every other part of me [the sane parts, i think?] scream at me "NO.DON'T.REJECTION." I'm on the expressway to Disasterville. No one can give me advice because it's an impossible situation anyway.

Why does the fucked up shit always happen to me? And furthermore, how can you NOT know you have feelings for someone until they are gone, and then look back and think "Oh, yea, well there was that one time I was a little jealous .." or "Oh, there was that one time I was feeling fuzzy feelings.." Except "that one time" was actually over a span of months and I chose to ignore it. To bury it. It might not have mattered anyway. It appears not to matter to him whatsoever ..

I miss him. I hate the way these things always turn out. I went through this with Matt, I never planned on going through it again. But, well, when does anyone ever plan on falling for someone anyway?

"Oh, the spotlight ain't nothing without you, boy."

And ... it really, really isnt. It sucks without you.


EDIT: Oh god, and speak Matt's name and he's like fucking Beetlejuice. That bitch is everywhere when you don't want him to be. What the fuckkkk is going on?!?!