kristoph

so let's draw straws for who gets to push.

these were the only words in my head this morning.

apart from this...

"i'll just have to hope that when i flip the coin
it somehow explodes and kills me"



xxx

something cryptic.
x

emo post #6376.7

i need to stop drunken posting.
i need to stop drinking perhaps is the answer.
or maybe i just need to stop drinking whole bottles of jack to myself and then chasing it with beer...?
i also need to stop dwelling.
i end up making myself feel sick.
and angry.

i need to stop thinking the people who i love and who...
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i'm such a fucking waste.
i lose.
again.
x

i've been hanging with AlwaysBeingBlue for the past coupla days.
she rules my world.
we got matching tattoos of kerouac quotes like the geeks we are.
but she has to leave this morning

take care of her, sinead.
x
p.s. my gig was the awesome last night. tony fell through his kit at the end and i pushed the rest on top of him. so...
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i stretched my ear from nothing to 8 mil last night just to distract myself from other stuff. it felt good.
go team self destructive tendencies!

x

it's all just flesh
your skin under my fingernails.
and i'm picking it out
with the shards of a shattered mirror
that won't reflect my face.

i've done the silent shake
the dry heave dance.
i've learnt all the moves.
kept my face fixed
my eyes low
and i didn't miss a beat.

i'm off this morning to a job i no longer have.
and to tell the weekenders they're unemployed.

how is it, even though i've been made redundant by the faceless corporate fuck that is Virgin, i still manage to reason that it could somehow be my fault?

my head spins with words, ideas, hope, fear and anger.
like i didn't have enough to think about...
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i got made redundant today.
stop to think about it.
the word i mean.
redundant.
sums up how i feel.

i need someone to hold.
i need someone to stroke my hair while i sleep.
i'm so fucking lonely and scared.

i'm so scared.

x

i'm too old for this, as i was brutally reminded today.


i'm going out tonight to bar fight
to blur the faces
that make the scene.
i'll spill my guts
into my glass
and tomorrow
forget where i've been.

but it's alright baby
cause you're not asking
but i'll tell it all
as you comb your hair
and fix your face
just how i like...
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