Every time before, I would have messaged him, or texted, or called and apologized, even when I had done nothing wrong. When he hurt me I would say I was sorry for asking for the pain. But I'm free! 
Did it hurt seeing that he didn't even think about me? (Speculation, of course! Who could forget me?!) Fuck yeah, it did. I don't know how long it will take before I feel nothing. (Actually, I sort of hope I NEVER feel nothing, because that would mean the lesson stopped affecting(effecting?) me. I'm so happy that I'm one hundred percent able to move on, though.
Here's a song that sort of relates:
Goodness. Played me some Cod4: MW tonight on my sister's boyfriend's PS3...I suck. Just saying. I'm the worst player there's ever been in all eternity. I do a lot of camping, and "spray and pray". (That's what my ex, Tony, used to call it. ) It worked when I was able to play on hardcore mode, but I wasn't on this one.
Fuck my life.
I've been talking to this Gunnar kid a lot. Hm. That's all I can really say for now. Oh, he cracked me up the other day. (Unintentionally, of course. xD ) He was UBER PISSED because his dad said he would be a "hacker and drug dealer". If it's not true, then who cares? And those things aren't really all that offensive. My parents never called me things that nice when they were angry. xD I just couldn't find the will to feel bad. I mean, that's not that awful. Srsly, bro. No. haha. But he's still being sweet.
However, it concerns me that he's doing quite a bit of drinking. I don't know that that's something I need to be around. =/ It's all so confusing! Help!
Here's another song! (I fucking love Snow Patrol!)
Today sort of sucked. No big catastrophes or anything, I just felt really shitty all at once for no reason. Literally no reason. I mean, I got miffed my dad wouldn't let me take the truck to take MY money to go buy an HDMI cable so HE could enjoy Netflix, but it didn't warrant the response I had. I was pretty much sobbing on the floor of my room feeling miserable, cooped up, and just plain sad. I hate feeling this way, and I don't understand why it happens. My life isn't that awful. It could be a lot worse. People are getting raped and killed out there, and I'm crying over nothing. It's bullshit and I sicken myself. Fuck.
Shit. I don't know why i do that. I get really excited and happy feeling and then I think about shit that makes me sad and turn into a big moper.
Here's another Snow Patrol song to enjoy. i listened to it a lot back in the day.
I need to find something to be passionate about. =/
I want to find something I can devote the rest of my life to. Any great ideas?
I just think passionate people are beautiful. <3
Wow. I read the shit I write sometimes and I'm just like, what the fuck? I'm so flighty! Hardly anything I say ties together at all. I dunno how to keep my thoughts in alignment on here, though. How do the rest of you amazing people do it?
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=5VCNhKS-SCo[/YOUTUBE]
Anyone want to fall in love? I could fall in love right about now. Right when I don't need it. That's the best time to find love, right? When you don't HAVE to have it? That way, you and your partner can operate independently of one another while still feeling perfectly in unison, right? That's how the movies depict it, at least. I want a goddamn fairytale romance, with some ultra huge debates thrown in. (Love to hear a person speak their mind, and intelligently defend their position).
Now, who would play with Toby Keith that way? I wouldn't. <3
I love this song, though. Brings tears to my eyes EVERY TIME. =)
This is why men and women can't be friends, though. This right here. There are countless songs like this. (And books, and movies, but I digress...) It just can't work. People will always find a way to hurt the other.
"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship-never."
Yeah. Think about that.
I've got to get some sleep, loves. I'm losing the ability to see! :C
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=GbX1JH-79pI&NR=1[/YOUTUBE]
HAVE A SONG!
I kid,
mostly
but . . .
you sound so much like my daughter in some ways, it's a bit
weird.
And disheartening,
I'd been hoping that she'll outgrow the crazy mood swings and angst
by the time she's 19, at least.
Bottom line? You're YOUNG!!! the next 10 years, or so, of your life
your 20's
will be some of the most magical,
and challenging
you'll ever have.
But trust me, it does get easier.
Eventually.