Well phase one of my big move has sucessfully been finished. I'm going down to San Diego next weekend to go scope out some places and check out the city.
I cleaned out all the shit i had somehow crammed into a single bedroom at my dads and put the necessary shit into boxes and brought them all down to gilroy. So after the trip to san diego this weekend it'll just be a matter of securing a definite residence till i actually move.
There was a mini going away party last night and tonight for me and the people who i'm moving with. Last night i got so fucked up. I can't remember the last time i had drinkin that much but man it was a fuckin blast. But you know not remembering is sometimes a good thing although I woke up with the fattiest headache ever. It was definitely a night to remember. I got to see a bunch of people i haven't seen in like 6 months so it was nice to catch up with them.
I don't know why but i'm getting really nervous about moving. I have been anticipating moving to san diego and putting the last few years of my life behind me for so long but i'm actually feeling guilty and afraid in a way. My mom is basically the only consistent strong support line i've had my whole life. When i move she will be living alone in her house with 2 chihuahuas. I have been told from a few people that she's really dreading the fact that i'm gonna be moving so far away. I mean she has friends and family but I'm her only child and i know she relys on me for so much. I just feel like i'm being selfish by running away and starting my life over. She has done so much for me that i just feel like i'm being selfish and i don't like that feeling. I'm a totaly giving person and i never ever do anything for myself. Maybe i just need to take a step back or rather a step forward to what needs to be done for me to be happy. Ugh i don't fucking know.
I'm just feeling a little bit depressed and unloved right now and i think it's putting too many thoughts in my head. It is so lame too because i just came back from a party with alot of friends and loved ones and i got so much support but now i just feel worse. It's almost like when i get bits of positive reinforcement it leads to me feeling worse because i don't have it constantly. So it makes me feel like i know its out there but it is never ever constant in my life.
Where is someone to hold in your arms when you need them.
I cleaned out all the shit i had somehow crammed into a single bedroom at my dads and put the necessary shit into boxes and brought them all down to gilroy. So after the trip to san diego this weekend it'll just be a matter of securing a definite residence till i actually move.
There was a mini going away party last night and tonight for me and the people who i'm moving with. Last night i got so fucked up. I can't remember the last time i had drinkin that much but man it was a fuckin blast. But you know not remembering is sometimes a good thing although I woke up with the fattiest headache ever. It was definitely a night to remember. I got to see a bunch of people i haven't seen in like 6 months so it was nice to catch up with them.
I don't know why but i'm getting really nervous about moving. I have been anticipating moving to san diego and putting the last few years of my life behind me for so long but i'm actually feeling guilty and afraid in a way. My mom is basically the only consistent strong support line i've had my whole life. When i move she will be living alone in her house with 2 chihuahuas. I have been told from a few people that she's really dreading the fact that i'm gonna be moving so far away. I mean she has friends and family but I'm her only child and i know she relys on me for so much. I just feel like i'm being selfish by running away and starting my life over. She has done so much for me that i just feel like i'm being selfish and i don't like that feeling. I'm a totaly giving person and i never ever do anything for myself. Maybe i just need to take a step back or rather a step forward to what needs to be done for me to be happy. Ugh i don't fucking know.
I'm just feeling a little bit depressed and unloved right now and i think it's putting too many thoughts in my head. It is so lame too because i just came back from a party with alot of friends and loved ones and i got so much support but now i just feel worse. It's almost like when i get bits of positive reinforcement it leads to me feeling worse because i don't have it constantly. So it makes me feel like i know its out there but it is never ever constant in my life.
Where is someone to hold in your arms when you need them.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
pulloffmywings:
yeah. I realized "hey, it's not so hip to be livin with ur folks"...
goodlordyshorty:
