I fucked up big yesterday. I have a ton of crap running through my head, and I thought it best to go ahead and puke my thoughts here before I go and talk to the woman that I probably hurt badly last night. I normally just type this crap into a text doc and save it somewhere on my computer, but I am kinda digging this journal thing. I don't think anyone is reading these anyway. I only wish I could remember what happened. There is a reason I don't eat pills, and last night was a solid reminder. If you have not read my journal entry from yesterday, I recommend going back and looking at it. This will make much more sense.
Here it goes. Comencing puking.
So instead of telling my "girlfreind" that we probably shouldn't see each other anymore, I bent, told her not to give up hope, and then we had sex. I guess my heart is just a little to big to be so cold. If you ever have been with a lover for 6-7 years, you know how good sex with that someone can be. She straight up seduced me too. Breifly, me and my "girlfreind" have seen each other for 7years. We almost got married. We have lived with each other 3 times. Everytime, it all goes to shit and we hurt each other badly. I decided the last time that it will never work between us. She even agreed. Why am I seeing her now? It's a bit immature...but it's revenge. She hurt me real bad last time, and I want some get back. She's totally hooked on me. She wants to have my children and shit. I have been preparing for the big kick out for a little while, and I just hooked up with this girl, Keri, that I have been quite fond of for a while. I'm going to skip the details, but my "girlfreind" told me this morning when I woke me up (I didn't sleep with her by the way, I was passed out on some persons couch), that I had a long phone conversation with this new girl, Keri, which "girlfreind" said sounded like I was being read the riot act. She even said that she heard Keri say to me on the phone that maybe I should break up with my girlfreind first. That's not good. I am sure most of you can't understand easily why I can't drop the "girlfreind", but there is more than just 2 people involved. I know and am close to her whole family. I've been to wedings, thanksgiving and all that shit for years with them.They are like a second family to me. We also have a business deal together which I am quite financially invested in. What a fucking mess. So I just typed (Im a draftsman, when ever I write, it's all caps and looks even less personal than a nice script font, Im a such a geek) a short and sweet letter to Keri, nothing sappy, just I am sorry for whatever I did and I would like to speak to her and come clean on what is going on. She has her own little stalker, so I think she will be able to understand my situation when we speak. Everytime I meet a girl I start to like, I go and fuck it up. I hope I don't do it again. It's getting real old. I'm now going to buy some flowers and drop them off with my letter (which I printed on really nice stationary with an envelope) on her doorstep. Then I have all sorts of family stuff to take care of and fit in about 8 hours of work. There just isn't the time, and now I need to fit Keri in somewhere. I don't even know if I am spelling her name right...I'm sure that will be a great start to my letter, spelling her name wrong. I'm going to reprint it and take her name out. Wish me the best people. I'm pretty good at damage control, lets see how I handle this one.
Here it goes. Comencing puking.
So instead of telling my "girlfreind" that we probably shouldn't see each other anymore, I bent, told her not to give up hope, and then we had sex. I guess my heart is just a little to big to be so cold. If you ever have been with a lover for 6-7 years, you know how good sex with that someone can be. She straight up seduced me too. Breifly, me and my "girlfreind" have seen each other for 7years. We almost got married. We have lived with each other 3 times. Everytime, it all goes to shit and we hurt each other badly. I decided the last time that it will never work between us. She even agreed. Why am I seeing her now? It's a bit immature...but it's revenge. She hurt me real bad last time, and I want some get back. She's totally hooked on me. She wants to have my children and shit. I have been preparing for the big kick out for a little while, and I just hooked up with this girl, Keri, that I have been quite fond of for a while. I'm going to skip the details, but my "girlfreind" told me this morning when I woke me up (I didn't sleep with her by the way, I was passed out on some persons couch), that I had a long phone conversation with this new girl, Keri, which "girlfreind" said sounded like I was being read the riot act. She even said that she heard Keri say to me on the phone that maybe I should break up with my girlfreind first. That's not good. I am sure most of you can't understand easily why I can't drop the "girlfreind", but there is more than just 2 people involved. I know and am close to her whole family. I've been to wedings, thanksgiving and all that shit for years with them.They are like a second family to me. We also have a business deal together which I am quite financially invested in. What a fucking mess. So I just typed (Im a draftsman, when ever I write, it's all caps and looks even less personal than a nice script font, Im a such a geek) a short and sweet letter to Keri, nothing sappy, just I am sorry for whatever I did and I would like to speak to her and come clean on what is going on. She has her own little stalker, so I think she will be able to understand my situation when we speak. Everytime I meet a girl I start to like, I go and fuck it up. I hope I don't do it again. It's getting real old. I'm now going to buy some flowers and drop them off with my letter (which I printed on really nice stationary with an envelope) on her doorstep. Then I have all sorts of family stuff to take care of and fit in about 8 hours of work. There just isn't the time, and now I need to fit Keri in somewhere. I don't even know if I am spelling her name right...I'm sure that will be a great start to my letter, spelling her name wrong. I'm going to reprint it and take her name out. Wish me the best people. I'm pretty good at damage control, lets see how I handle this one.