THINGS TO PONDER:
Isn't a smoking section in a restaurant like a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
(HAHAHAH GET IT TITS!!!)
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
I AM SOOOOOO SUPER EXCITED TO SEE THIS MOVIE.... HOPEFULLY I WILL GET TO IT THIS WEEKEND WHEN IT COMES OUT, BECUASE I HAVE WANTED TO SEE IT SINCE I SAW THE PREVIEW LIKE 5 MONTHS AGO.
**Also I just wanted to take this time to give a shout out to my photog, Anatomik . He has shot all my sets for me that you see on the site. If anyone in the chitown area needs a set done... take a look at his work. I am thankful for the time he is putting in to all my sets, when he is in the process of moving and dealing with water damage. So I just wanted to say thanks!!!
**
JOKES
~How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
~This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
~A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
~Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
~Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH'
~Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
THIS ONE IS JUST WRONG ON EVERY LEVEL.... BUT YET I FOUND MYSELF LAUGHING... WHY HAHAHHAHA
~A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.
The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for
something a bit heavier".
The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.
YES I LOVE LAME ASS JOKES SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING.... I CRACKED UP FOR A GOOD 10 MINS WITH THIS ONE.
~There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
LAST BUT NOT LEAST I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS VIDEO. IT IS LIKE 11 MINS LONG, BUT IT IS SOOO CUTE AND FUNNY AND WELL JUST BELIEVE ME AND WATCH THE WHOLE THING!
HAVE A WONDERFUL THURSDAY EVENING, FRIDAY AND WEEKEND!!!!
Isn't a smoking section in a restaurant like a peeing section in a swimming pool?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
(HAHAHAH GET IT TITS!!!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
I AM SOOOOOO SUPER EXCITED TO SEE THIS MOVIE.... HOPEFULLY I WILL GET TO IT THIS WEEKEND WHEN IT COMES OUT, BECUASE I HAVE WANTED TO SEE IT SINCE I SAW THE PREVIEW LIKE 5 MONTHS AGO.
**Also I just wanted to take this time to give a shout out to my photog, Anatomik . He has shot all my sets for me that you see on the site. If anyone in the chitown area needs a set done... take a look at his work. I am thankful for the time he is putting in to all my sets, when he is in the process of moving and dealing with water damage. So I just wanted to say thanks!!!
**
JOKES
~How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
~This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
~A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
~Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
~Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH'
~Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
THIS ONE IS JUST WRONG ON EVERY LEVEL.... BUT YET I FOUND MYSELF LAUGHING... WHY HAHAHHAHA
~A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.
The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for
something a bit heavier".
The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.
YES I LOVE LAME ASS JOKES SUCH AS THE FOLLOWING.... I CRACKED UP FOR A GOOD 10 MINS WITH THIS ONE.
~There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
LAST BUT NOT LEAST I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS VIDEO. IT IS LIKE 11 MINS LONG, BUT IT IS SOOO CUTE AND FUNNY AND WELL JUST BELIEVE ME AND WATCH THE WHOLE THING!
HAVE A WONDERFUL THURSDAY EVENING, FRIDAY AND WEEKEND!!!!
VIEW 25 of 60 COMMENTS
i was once told that you and i look alike. someone even did an entire journal on it hehe