krabuki

There are pieces of me scattered around. Boxes of memories left in distant places with friends. Today I was reminded by an old friend of one of those memorabilia containers. " Are you ever going to want this stuff back?" I had completely forgotten. My happy haze of memories flowing back into my mind in wispy tendrils twirling with the regret that so much of what he mentioned I had forgotten. How many precious day to day moments have vanished into hiding in the folds of my grey matter only to be replaced by the mundane of my day to day existence? All the dreams I had.. the loves... how easily I replaced them with surviving- A protective reflex left over from my childhood? Learn to forget and just get on with it. Maybe I willingly left these reminders with others, knowing that had I kept them they would have been lost or thrown out... pushed aside. I have lived so many lives and left so many of these reminders of myself around... I see now that I have always just been me through it all. Never really changing only growing and learning.
I miss the not knowing.......I long for the innocence I can't ever remember having.... So many negatives have tried to drag me into the depth with their undertow yet I still I swim to the surface to find joy in little things, and still beneath all my d(r)owns there is and has always been that glimmer of hope for the future.

I have been writing...really wring (not just a babble of superficial warblings)for the first time in a long time and I am not sure I wish to share all my words with anyone, but it feels so good to have this free open flow again. To be able to find open expression outside of a visual still.