Well, for a long time ago I turned my eye to the world trying to understand why things are so fucked up. And this process showed me much more about myself than about the world.
Must be easy to live for someone that doesn't care abou the others, humans or animals, but thats not my case. I care., I really fucking care every single day, and every single hour of that day, and every single minute of that hour...
Is really hard to live in a third world country, every day is a "dedo no cu e gritaria*" day. You struggle with the traffic, that steals most of the time more than 1 hour of your day. You struggle to have a job that pays the bare minimum to your survival. You struggle with the robbery, burglary and theft. And as hard as it can be, for me it seens ease to cope with all of this than with the information that someone was killed by racial motivation. Or as the last one that I take knowledge by Otep Shamaya, suicide motivated by bullying because of sexual orientation...
Every day I wake up in disbelief of society evolution. Every day I get sadder. Every day my depression and anxiety talks louder in my head. Every fucking day I think of how things doesn't make sense and mostly how people doesn't make sense. Trump, Bolsonaro and other fascists doesn't make sense but still have a growing power among a huge part of the population. What the fuck is going wrong?? What happened with the peace and love motto?
I don't know what to say anymore. Who to help, how to help, how to do something that can change people's lives. And I feel dumb, numb, forgotten, living a empty life and as the music almost says, first i was afraid, now I'm petrified.
And I'm pedrified for years. Trying to find a way to use my energy, knowledge and resources to do something that worth. But it never seens to be enough.
But this week, in a really bad day, I could take some pictures that almost reflect my mental state. It doesn't help the world, It doesn't even help me but as I shared in my Instagram, I would like to share here too.
Hugs and Kisses
Felipe Duran
