Sometimes I wish I could make this shit up:
I have a friend that turned 21 tonight, so we all went to the bar. While we are out another friend of mine has someone show up that she has known for ages; just to make it easy let's call her Jane. So Jane is trashed when she shows up and she does this kiss on the cheek thing when she meets people, it isn't my thing but whatever, I roll with it.
So the night starts to get rolling and Jane is really trashed I mean falling out of a booth trashed. She is talking about making out with girls, and she is talking about making out with boys then she gets up to go and have a cigarette.
When she comes back to the table she starts rummaging around in her wallet looking for her credit card, but while she is doing that she starts throwing shit out on the table: her ID, a credit card, some old business cards, some other thing that looks like a business card. When the waitress takes the bill away Jane looks at me and pleads, "I am not as drunk as I look, I only had a couple drinks before I got here." I tell her it's okay, it happens to the best of us and she shouldn't worry about it. The bill comes back and she slides it to me, "Can you take care of this?" she asks. I ask her if she is a big tipper or a small one and she says she is big, tip her 50% ($4.00 on a glass of wine). Then, and this is the best part, she turns to me and whispers in my ear, "I had five orgasms today, tell me, when does that every happen?"
So now I am sniggering and trying to add eight and four and I say something like you are a lucky girl how did you manage that? Then she leans forward and says, "with a cucumber," then she lurches closer to me and some part of her wet mouth ends up in my ear... I don't think it was her tongue, I think it was her lip, and it was a lurch like she fell forward. But I know that my ear ended up wet on the inside.
Unbelievable.
I have a friend that turned 21 tonight, so we all went to the bar. While we are out another friend of mine has someone show up that she has known for ages; just to make it easy let's call her Jane. So Jane is trashed when she shows up and she does this kiss on the cheek thing when she meets people, it isn't my thing but whatever, I roll with it.
So the night starts to get rolling and Jane is really trashed I mean falling out of a booth trashed. She is talking about making out with girls, and she is talking about making out with boys then she gets up to go and have a cigarette.
When she comes back to the table she starts rummaging around in her wallet looking for her credit card, but while she is doing that she starts throwing shit out on the table: her ID, a credit card, some old business cards, some other thing that looks like a business card. When the waitress takes the bill away Jane looks at me and pleads, "I am not as drunk as I look, I only had a couple drinks before I got here." I tell her it's okay, it happens to the best of us and she shouldn't worry about it. The bill comes back and she slides it to me, "Can you take care of this?" she asks. I ask her if she is a big tipper or a small one and she says she is big, tip her 50% ($4.00 on a glass of wine). Then, and this is the best part, she turns to me and whispers in my ear, "I had five orgasms today, tell me, when does that every happen?"
So now I am sniggering and trying to add eight and four and I say something like you are a lucky girl how did you manage that? Then she leans forward and says, "with a cucumber," then she lurches closer to me and some part of her wet mouth ends up in my ear... I don't think it was her tongue, I think it was her lip, and it was a lurch like she fell forward. But I know that my ear ended up wet on the inside.
Unbelievable.