kore

so many things happened last night as vodka surged through my veins instead of blood, as it should.

i woke up in the morning with more questions than answers and such uncertainty, but.

i don't regret it.

things were said. various bowls were smashed, but not by me. i heard confessions of small town queerness. i witnessed my sister's heart being broken. and on her fucking birthday too.

i hope, i hope, i hope that some part of her night was good.

i felt rejected and slighted at one point but as the fog in my brain dissipated, i understood and i stopped taking it personally.

things were said. really fucked up, true things were said and i'm glad they were even if it causes drama because i'm tired of carrying the weight of such secrets.

this whole family is fucked up, we might as well talk about it.

there's a sadness. it's been lingering for awhile but.

i feel like the answer is right in front of me. right there within my grasp, i just have to reach out and grab it.

it was told to me by my father that i have always been different. and the way he said it, i know i was supposed to feel alarmed. he said my brother and my sister aren't like me. he said i was always so defiant and.

and, well, he said things without saying them. i didn't feel alarmed, in fact, i took it as a twisted kind of compliment.

because it's true. i have always been different.