koolthing

I stare into the void watching and waiting
but nothing comes, nothing...
hold my breath until it burns lungs and lips blister blue
but nothing comes, nothing...
cut once twice - am I still alive
need to feel something because the nothing is too much

I look to the monkeys for guidance
their blind, deaf, and mute response seems appropriate now
played like a fool, and coming back for more


---


that the slightest thing can change
everything
that defines insanity

that a fleeting gesture can create a torrent of emotion
strong enough to overwhelm everything else around it
seems too much to take

that life's events are filled with clarity
and live a voyeur, I watch events unfold in slow motion
already knowing the outcome, but powerless to transform it

that control comes in the most negative forms but reassures
nonetheless
that defines insanity


---


I thought my happiness lay just a breath away,finally within my arms reach.
with a shudder and a sigh, I reached out ... and got burned. again, and again, and again
I began to doubt myself, to doubt my conviction, but in my heart of hearts I knew the pain was only temporary.
my eyes are burning, head pounding, and stomach threatening to revolt
and I feel ashamed
not for what I have done but for what I did not do